I'm Not Like Them (A Nirvana Fan Fic - Kurt Cobain! X OFC)

On A Plain

I'm sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight to flash across the screen so I can board the plane. I feel shocked still and my head is all over the place trying to figure stuff out. I called my manager at the coffee shop and told him I'd have to take some time out of working to see my family after what has happened and he was kind enough to keep my contract for when I returned to Seattle. I told the University I would be leaving for the UK, so they have put a hold on my studies. Kurt called my band mates from Regis Matters and told them the situation. They were fine with it however I wouldn't be surprised if they found a new bass player while I'm gone. When I told Sally, she seemed really shocked, she was sympathetic as my mother has passed, but I think she felt a little saddened to hear that I was leaving straight away. 

Kurt wanders over to me with two cups of coffee and a cigarette between his lips and he sits next to me handing me one of the cups.

"Thanks." I say.

Unfortunately I couldn't convince Kurt to come with me to the UK. He said he would have if he weren't scheduled to record this new album. They have cancelled and re-booked this slot so many times, and finding a day was difficult enough on its own. I understand, but I still feel like he should come with me to help me through this.

Kurt takes the cigarette between his index and middle fingers, and takes it from his mouth, blowing the smoke to the side. He puts his coffee in the holder on the arm of the chair and then takes one of my hands in to his.

"How are you holding up?" he asks, very much knowing the answer to that question.

I shake my head.

"Just great." I reply sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. Call me when you can though. I wanna hear your voice everyday." Kurt says with a smile.

I pull my hand away from his and I don't react to his words.

"Why do I feel like I've upset you?" he asks. "Is this because I'm not going with you?"

I close my eyes and nod.

"I just need you more than ever right now, and you can't spare a few months? I know Nirvana is important, but so is this..." I say, a little peeved.

"We talked about this...me and the band have been waiting for months to record this thing. I'm not cancelling again to wait another few months to book the recording studio." Kurt says in response.

"You know I love you, I would go if it weren't for this recording."

I nod and a stray tear falls down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, I'm just going through it at the moment. I'm gonna miss you." I reply, wiping the tear away.

"You know I'll miss you." Kurt says, taking his hand and moving my face to look at him.

We kiss and I feel myself fall into Kurt's arms, not wanting to leave his warm and tender embrace.

He strokes my head and kisses the top of it.

"I'll come back, I just don't know when." I say with a sniffle.

"And I'll wait for you." he replies. "There's no one as fucking amazing as you Alana. I'm not gonna lose you"

I smile at him.

"That bass line I wrote that night, the one you said you liked...take it. Use it for one of your songs." I suggest.

"You sure? You don't want to use it if you record something?" He asks.

"No, you'll get more use out of it." I reply.

I hear a bell and look at the screen where my flight has appeared.

"I guess I'd better go." I say glumly. 

I stand up and straighten myself out before grabbing my suitcase.

Kurt stands and walks with me to the gate.

"I guess this is goodbye." I say, looking into his beautiful blue eyes, before looking down, trying to hide my sorrow.

He takes his index finger and thumb, and lifts my chin with it so we are looking at each other before our lips meet for a tender kiss. The taste of his cigarette and coffee lingering on his lips, that taste I've grown to love from him.

"Not goodbye....I'll just see you in a few months." he grins.

I smile back at him. That perfect smile that makes me feel like I'm home.

My eyes well up once more and we embrace.

"I love you" I say gently into his ear.

"I love you too." He responds.

With that, I decided to take my leave and not look back. On my way to the 12:53 flight to London Heathrow, just me, my suitcase and my coffee.

I head onto the plane and feel a sense of loneliness, just like how I arrived in Seattle. Now I have friends here, and the UK is my new Seattle.

So many thoughts going through my head about Kurt, my mother, the band, my studies, and work. It's all fucking confusing and to not have Kurt with me at the end of a difficult day, to hug me and to assure me that everything will be okay is going to really suck.