I'm Not Like Them (A Nirvana Fan Fic - Kurt Cobain! X OFC)

You Are The Only One

Trigger Warning- Mention of Death/Illness

England was grey, the sky had an ominous cloud that threatened to shower. Yep I was back in Essex, and not that it's a bad thing, just the circumstances for why I am here. Nothing much had changed, except for the fact my mother was gone. I'm currently staying in my old room at her house, my dad nowhere to be seen. I know they didn't get along, but they stayed together for me and my brother, who had also moved out, albeit closer to home.

I sift through the contents of her bedroom and see old photographs and keepsakes that I remember vividly. A beaded bracelet I made for her when I was a kid that said 'Mummy' with a few flower shapes either side of the wording, kept pride of place in her favourite jewellery box. A picture of me, her, my dad and my brother when we went on a camping trip, smiles a plenty.

On her bedside table, there was an envelope with mine and Kurt's address on it, propped up in front of the alarm clock. I take it and undo it from the back.

It's a card with a heart on the front and inside a wordy note addressed to me.

Alana,

 sorry to send this so late but there has been a lot going on. Your grandma misses you dearly and even though your brother won't admit it, so is he (also a little shell shocked you are going out with Kurt...you know how much he loves that Bleach album that came out). Your father is seeing someone else, I know it, but he won't admit that he is. It's been difficult and I really wish you were around to chat. You know I always talked about those migraines that never seemed to budge? I went to the GP this afternoon and they gave me my results from the scan I had a month ago. Unfortunately it's advanced cancer in the brain. It hasn't sunk in yet, not really. They say I have a few months, but I'm yet to start chemo, although the doctor has said he doesn't think it will improve the situation. It sounds scary and I'm sorry you have to find out this way, but hopefully we can meet again soon. I love you very much. Take Care. 

Mum xxx

She probably never got round to posting it. 

I tear up and still can't believe she is gone. I can't believe I didn't know she had this, maybe I should have kept in contact with her a little more. There is no excuse, busy or not, I could have reached out to her to see how she was at least.

The next few days were challenging, I was at the funeral home and discussed what she wants in terms of the procession with organisers, my brother and my father.

To say I shed a tear or two is a damn understatement. I was a blubbering mess most hours of the day, but it was expected. Not having Kurt with me didn't help and just his touch, his arms around me would bring me back to some kind of comfort and normality.

I had called Kurt most nights and updated him on the situation here in the UK. It was good to hear his voice, and after living in Seattle for a few years, that Washington twang was something I missed. I'm still a little pissed he didn't come with me, although I realise how selfish I sound, he's got stuff he needs to do and I can't be that girlfriend that pulls him away every time shit goes down.

A few days on and the funeral took place at the Crematorium.

What can I say, it's a funeral. Tears were shed and my heart and mind couldn't really handle it all. I tried to keep it together for my family and our friends but it was too overwhelming. I must have had around three panic attacks that morning alone.

I caught up with my dad and my brother at the wake and it was a good conversation about family and current events. The alcohol got to our heads, but we needed a good laugh after who we had lost.

4 Months Later

My brother drives me to Heathrow Airport to get a plane back to Seattle. As much as I've enjoyed being back where I grew up, Seattle is my home now and I miss it.

"Take care, call us when you get home." my brother Ethan says, mid hug.

"Will do. Safe driving." I reply. "Thanks for dropping me off."

"No problem. I'll see you soon sis." he says before returning to his car while I head into the airport.

My flight was scheduled for 12pm and it would be a long flight from London to Seattle, but I was just eager to see Kurt.

It's really strange, I've called him every night for the past 3 months and he hasn't picked up. I'm concerned, but I know how busy he can be with the band. 

I feel excited to finally be with him again. I definitely love the guy...I haven't stopped thinking about him since I got to England. This distance between us, tested our strength as a couple, but I can almost guarantee it has made us stronger.

After a bite to eat at a small sandwich stall, I find the gate where I can board my flight, and after showing the staff my Passport, I'm able to enter.

I take my seat near a window, and contemplate how life will be when I return home. Will I still have my job at the coffee shop? Will I be able to start my Photography course straight away? Will the Regis Matters band still be together? Has Kurt missed me as much as I've missed him?

All I can do is speculate, until I return, I don't truly know any of the answers.

After hours of being on the plane, it finally lands back in Seattle and when I step into the SeaTac airport, I manage to find a pay phone to call a cab.

Half an hour later, I arrive back at our place and let myself in.

"I'm home!" I call with a huge smile on my face.

"Kurt?" I call.

I know he is in, as his car is parked outside and the lights are on.

I open the door to our bed room and my heart sinks.