Lamborghini | Tony Stark

FIFTY EIGHT - WHITE CHRISTMAS

Steve couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Tony with such little life behind his eyes. A man usually so powerful and filled with courage looked defeated, drawn out and slain, a pale grief had washed through his veins and despite the uncertainty that lingered in the air, it was as if Tony had already reached his own end.

"You should go home, Tony, get some rest."

Steve handed Tony a paper cup filled with coffee. His friend hadn't slept in two days and it was certainly not a well kept secret thanks to the dark circles underneath his eyes, a constant wet glaze over them as he swallowed his cries whenever somebody joined him in the hospital room.

"I'm fine," Tony shook his head, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, "Merry Christmas, I guess."

Sasha was sleeping peacefully and had been for almost an entire day after being in the operating theatre for sixteen hours. The doctors predicted her to make a full recovery though the odds of that being ninety percent weren't high enough for Tony.

Steve leant on the windowsill and sipped his own coffee. He watched Sasha as her chest rise and fell rhythmically and listened to the monotonous drone of the heart rate monitor, silently thanking a higher power that she was still alive and he hadn't had to watch her die.

"I'll stay with her, call you as soon as she wakes up. She'll need you to be strong, Tony, she'd be telling you to get some sleep."

Tony scoffed quietly, laughing to himself as he continued to twist her engagement ring between his thumb and finger, wanting to keep it in his hand at all times to keep it safe.

"Yeah, she would be. She'd be telling me to eat some vegetables and drink more water, get some sleep and take care of myself, remember to take my vitamins. But I know for a fact if it was me laying in that bed instead of her that there's not a chance she'd leave me for even a second, so there's not a chance I'm leaving her, either."

Steve sighed, knowing that there was no use trying to persuade Tony any longer. He didn't blame him, knowing deep down that he'd be acting exactly the same if it was the love of his life in the hospital bed.

Truthfully, the way Sasha had been looking up at him helplessly with a heartbroken flash of acceptance in her eyes had been one of the worst things he'd ever witnessed. Steve had had trouble sleeping since that night, seeing the water rushing towards her every time he closed his eyes.

The moment haunted him and as much as he tried to shake the fact that Sasha hadn't perished because he couldn't save her, the guilt that she almost did was impossibly crippling.

"She was actually excited for Christmas this year," Tony said, leaning back in the chair and crossing one leg over the other, "Her birthday, too. God, last year she was still so upset about it all and this year she loved decorating the tree and wrapping gifts. And then this, why can't she catch a damn break? She doesn't deserve this, any of it. Maybe she was right, maybe she would be better off without me casting all this darkness over her."

Steve could see the way the wheels were turning behind Tony's eyes. His mind was working overtime and while he was clearly just talking through his thoughts and feelings in attempt to make sense of it all, hearing him say such negative things sparked hurt inside his chest.

"Don't say that, Tony. You saved her life when I couldn't."

The words were painful for Steve to say out loud and only added to the heavy guilt, though he was happy to accept more weight if it meant taking some of it away from Tony in that moment.

"If I'd have let her go, let her move to Maine like she wanted to, none of this would've happened."

"Tony come on," Steve said quietly, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "She's going to be fine, and when she is, you'll have a safe world to live in together, finally. It's over now, all of it."