The twentieth day had been the most moving out of the next five. Atswon's burial, Neteyam's kiss, the return of the Tulkun, and the worst time of nightmares and sweat. You-know-who's body couldn't leave my mind. Burnt, scraped skin, and his suffering screams were all I saw and heard throughout the very few hours of sleep I had. I didn't have the mental strength to sleep in the mauri we used to share, so I went to the shack. Neteyam didn't listen to my words when I told him he didn't have to spend the night with me, but when I ended up waking up at midnight, and more times later, his words and his hugs were more than welcome. But they didn't work as I wanted them to.
I was deeply sorry Neteyam's sleep had been that awfully disturbed, even if he said it didn't matter. Both of our eyes were red and had dark circles around them, and we began to spend the 21st day with hot fish soup amongst his family. Na'tyr hadn't even tried to approach me, not as a sentient person that would say she was sorry for Atswon's death, nor as my mother. Ex mother. I couldn't be sure if she cared.
It was a tradition, no matter the clan, to rest for the week following a passing. So everything there was to do was nothing. No hunting, because it meant more killing. No storytelling or dancing, because it was too cheerful for the time.
Tonowari and Ronal gave almost everyone the week off while they took charge of the jobs. Ronal cared for those who came in sick or with injuries, letting Nueiy and me with more free time than we wanted. We spent hours together, sitting next to each other, silent. As the people closest to him, there was an unspoken understanding. Some other times we went to the Cove of Ancestors. It had become something almost obsessive, to go there to see him. He knew he was dead.
I would connect my kuru to the Tree and close my eyes. Then I'd see him on the seawall terraces, on the very left corner of the large row. It was our favorite place to be by ourselves, because the shack was only for me, even when he knew about it. Atswon was almost always sitting on the rocky floor, his back to the enormous wood roots and his feet dangling in the water from the small cascade pools. Then I'd sit next to him, both of us facing the village far away, and talk. We were sitting so close to each other that I could hear his heartbeat, and his breathing, and the touch of his teal skin with mine was soft, not charcoal. He was okay in all possible ways. Except he was with Eywa now.
"How are you?" He asked.
"You know."
"I don't. I can't see everything, you know. I've only got two eyes." He didn't take his sight off the water and the glowing dust when he moved his toes and feet.
"How do you think I am, Atswon?"
"Fine. It's not the end of the world if I die. You have other things to focus. on" His voice was calm and not too loud.
"How could you even say that when- when you left me by myself!"
"You're not alone, you have him, Neteyam. You should focus on him, your future. Not me, because there's no life for me anymore. I'm happy here. It is all very calm, there are things called paper in which I can paint, I love painting."
I didn't say anything, and just kept holding onto his left hand. I closed my eyes, trying to think of Neteyam, his hugs and the very few kisses we had shared. But, through those loving memories, there was only one persistent thought: Sky People. It wouldn't be that day, or that week, that I'd get to kill them. But the time would eventually come, and they would see true suffering.
"I need you to tell Nueiy something," he said.
"Why don't you tell her yourself?"
"She- I pretended not to know I'm dead, to protect her. She is happy with that. If I tell her she will know I know. That's why you need to tell her I told you before I died."
"Tell her what?"
"That I love her."
That had been on the twenty third. Everything apart from that was a weird calmness I couldn't stand. I had found a way to tell Nueiy what Atswon said, and she cried harder than on the day he died. There was only so little I could explain to her about the fake mating, but it was enough for her to hug me until I couldn't breathe.
I had also decided to spend more time with the Sullys. I first returned the handgun I stole from Jake, hoping he hadn't noticed it's absence, and then went on for a whole afternoon with Neytiri, Kiri and Tsireya. We all helped Tsireya teach the year-old babies how to ride an ilu, and Neytiri was the happiest reviving her maternal instinct from when her kids were that age. She also found a way to kiss my forehead and remind me she would always be there.
Then the sun lowered and the nightmare nights began with Neteyam hugging me from behind. They had reduced in intensity and recurrence, but there was always one. Neteyam tried to keep awake by telling me stories of his and Lo'ak's mischiefs and chronicles. They were mostly fun and made me chuckle at the images in my head, but sometimes they were more serious, like the way he passed his Iknimaya and bonded with an ikran. It made me miss Txil, due to the fact I had not seen her in a while, but he assured me she was alright.
On the twenty fourth I was with Lowsla. We took as many hours as we needed to talk. We swam outside the reef and stayed until sunset, me on her back, going from place to place only for the pleasure of doing it. We passed corals and schools of fish, nalutsas and squids. The water was as clear as the sky and the sun as warm as tangible love. Once it was dark, and we were sure no one else could see us, we both got to the set of stacks that were in Payakan's territory. He peeked his head out of the water and flapped his fins happily.
"Oel ngati kameie, Payakan!"
He answered back and greeted Lowsla like an old friend. Years back I had introduced them to each other, and Lowsla was all to rebel, and trusted my word that Payakan was not a killer, to meet with him. He was older than her, so it was more of a big-brother-small-sister relationship. Lowsla didn't waste more time after he told us he was fine to tell him about her mate. It wasn't in a bragging way, or anything that wasn't pure happiness, but I couldn't stop thinking that Payakan had never had the chance to mate. He was all by himself. Lo'ak had joined his small group of friends, and I knew from him that they had been meeting lately, so at least Payakan didn't feel lonely.
The three of us swam together across the sea, playing simple games like races and find the animal. It was fun while it lasted, my mind clearing up while the moonlight made everything glow. It was always fun to be in the water at night, because our tattoos glowed in contact with it, just like the water itself turned neon blue with the movement. There were four parts of my body that now glowed, and I liked it, even if it didn't look as good in my skin as it did in the teal Metkayina skin. It was a different kind of good.
By the time Lowsla and I returned to Awa'atlu, the clan was in deep sleep. We parted ways, me to the forest and she to her home. That day had been just above the calmness of the other four. That thought made me think of Neteyam: each night he made the effort to be with me at my worst, but during the day I was anywhere else. He hadn't even said anything about it, but I got the feeling through our bond that he had hoped for more. He was very understanding, of course, but apart from the grieving me he probably wanted the girl that taught him new things, that he fought with knives, that he kissed and flushed and said the most loving things to.
So I had set my mind on spending the remaining two days with Neteyam, and only him. It would be him and me, together for once.
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Author's note:
Hi, people! What's up? Turns out that today was much more relaxed than I thought it would be and I got enough mental clarity to write this chapter. It is not the best length, nor the most romantic of all, but I'm content with it. Today I simply tried to deepen the emotional dueling and decay after Atswon's death.
Also, just so you know, I have a pretty good idea of what will happen after those two days (all the way to the war and beyond). I can't wait for you to see it! I can assure you there will be the most cheesy, toe curling and giggling moments ever. I have already written plenty of detailed scenes that will be included, and for some reason I decided to put many references to movies and series I like, so it will be like "Where's Wally?" but with scenes and dialogue. Let's see how many you spot!
Lastly, thank you so, so much for the 79k reads and the 2k+ votes. Let's keep them coming! It's the best Valentines gift I can get, 'cause you know, #lonelyforlife.
Happy Saturday, cheers.
Sincerely, Dina.
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A true seer | Neteyam
Fanfiction"We once used to be friends, Neteyam and I. We were more than that. If only my family had stayed in the forest, it could have remained that way. It must have been Eywa's will that we reunited ten years later, in my home in the Metkayina clan, and th...
