Fuck Blended Families

Why Me

We all have that same question as to why me? But what have we've done to end up in the phase of life. I saw the multiple red flags and yet still went for it. I saw how I was being mistreated and dissmisssed and still was there supporting them. It's so fucken ironic how life is . I get all the bad shit when in fact that person is living their best life with a wonderful paycheck. I'm no gold digger and. Or yet independent. That person made me dependent on him with his charming words don't worry about money just go to school and I will take care of you. For how long , until you finish but in the meanwhile I will let you know in subtle ways how much of a burden you are. Let me remind you that this is my money. You don't contribute to shit in out household. His true colors can alive when I moved in with him
To our own space away from my mother. He changed it all, he actually opened a new account and sent all his paycheck to that account and the mutual account went to nothing. I didn't have any right s to his money . I couldn't purchase anything that I needed . Everything had to go through him. The worst thing was yet to come. His two teen daughters moved in and he'll broke loose. It's what they wanted and when they wanted to he would do. I didn't matter anymore. I did t exist. He pushed me away by being cruel to me and kiddos and all because of his manipulative narcissistic selfish daughters. He pushed my oldest to move out. Of course his daughters helped out by creating more problems and putting the blame on my kids. I have so much anger and hate for them. I really do!!! I've be never felt like this towards kids. He wanted me to be a mother to them and do as much as what I did for mine. I couldn't be there for his kids I hate them . I wanted them gone, to disappear from this earth and him too of course. I wish I had the fucken capacity to get my life in order and leave and never return. And yet I can't. I'm in. A fucken shit hole where I can't seem to get a fucken job because lack of experience and no one will give me a chance. Working at a fast food restaurant won't cover my rent yet child care expenses. I hate myself for being here for putting my kids in this life. I can't believe I ruined everything. Now my oldest won't talk to me, she hates me. My relationship with my middle is invisible. She doesn't reLly care to be around me. All she cares is about her friends -and how she looks. My little guys is being traumatized by so much bad negative arguments here at home. I don't want him to be nothing like his dad. He is a sweet little guy with a beautiful soul. Kind and gentle and so caring and my husband wants to make him into an asshole like him. I wish I could turn time around and never pursue this relationship. I made such a big mistake a true mistake that can take my life away. Every day I contemplate in killing myself. I see no exit!!! I see nothing for me or my kids. My oldest found a way for herself and I'm so proud. I need my middle girl to move on and make something for herself away from me. That's the only way she has hope of getting away from all of this. Maybe if I die this can all end. But the. I think about my little one and I'm so scared for him. I don't want to leave him with this cruel father that will make him doubt himself and who he is. All I want is to be free and be able to get away. I want a home for me and my kids. Please God!!!!!help me. That's all I ask for a chance of redemption!!! I need an open door!!