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Lifted Gym Washington, DC 8:20PM
I walked in the gym with my headphones on. Today I work up in one of my moods, I hated days like this but it wasn't much I could do except go on with my day like a usually do. Trinity walked up smiling before clearly reading my face after I forced a smile to her. Taking off my headphone I looked at her. "Is everything okay?" She asked and I nodded, no I thought to myself. "Peachy, ready to start training?" I asked as I began walking off. "Hey." She called behind me making me turn around. I prayed she didn't push for more. "I'm not training you today." She said making me raise a brow. "What do you mean you're not training me?" I walked up to her, shoulders falling lower than the already were. "As your trainer I care about you physical and mental health, clearly your mind is foggy and I won't pry. Unless you can promise me that your mind is clear, I'm not training you today." She said, her tone filled with care. I stared at her before fixing my bag on my shoulder. I nodded. "Okay. I'll be back Friday. Just having an off day." I admitted and she nodded. "It's okay. Listen if you need anything just text me or call me." She said and I nodded before she pulled me in a hug, my body stiffened and she quickly pulled away. "Sorry, should've asked." She said and I grabbed her hands. "Thanks Trinity. Honestly, you're the sweetest person ever." I said and she smiled before squeezing my hand. "Now go." She said and I nodded. I left out the gym and got in my car, calling my mom. "Hey baby, you alright?" She asked me as she answered the phone. "Hey mommy. Is there a way my appointments can be rescheduled or given to someone else?" I asked, picking my nails. "Of course baby. Is there anything I can do, you need something?" She said, the worry in her voice evident making me break into a weak smile. "No, I just need to rest." I said. "Okay, if you need anything promise you'll call." She said and I nodded before speaking up, "I will, love you. I got to go." "Okay baby. I love you to." She said before hanging up. I laid my head back against the headrest, eyes closed as I began thinking to myself.
Why am I feeling like this? How did I get like this? What do I need?
Licking my lips I wipes the free tears that rolled from my eyes. Why am I crying? Picking up my phone I dialed my therapist number. She picked up on the first ring. "Karter?" She asked as I sniffled. I'm sure she was confused on why I was calling but that's why I was calling in the first place, I didn't know why either. "Hey Dr. Price." I said. "Is everything okay? I can hear you're upset." She asked making me sniffle again. "I don't know. I woke up and it took everything to get out of bed today. I even questioned why I woke up this morning. I don't know where these emotions are coming from and I don't understand them." I rambled emotionally. "Okay. Let's breath." She said. "Are you ready?" She asked. "Yes." I said. Together we did my breathing exercise until I felt my body relax, my breathing no longer shaky. "That's good. What's been going on in your life? What's new?" She asked and I sat and thought to myself, what's truly different that could effect me like this. "I mean I've been going to the gym." I said, shrugging. "Okay that's an new environment, any new people?" She asked. "Yeah." "Who is it or who are they?" She asked me and I bit lip before speaking, "They, my trainer, Trinity, her husband, Johnathan, Rami and Johnathan's brother, Joshua." I said. "How do you feel about them?" She asked. "I mean Trinity is my trainer, she's like the nicest person every. Johnathan is cool and so is Rami." I said and the line went silent. "Dr. Price?" I asked. "I was waiting on you to continue." She said and my brows furrowed. "You didn't mention how you felt about Joshua." She said. I honestly didn't know what to say because I didn't know how I felt. He made me feel a lot of things within the short period of time we've been interacting. I've felt like a girl having their first crush, a mature women looking for a partner and someone looking for friend. Feelings were a bitch. "I don't know how I feel." I admitted. "So you feel nothing? Like he's not there?" She asked and I shook my head. "No-no." I said, confused at my own answer. "I don't understand what you mean Karter." She said and I laid my head on the steering wheel. "He makes me feel things but I don't know him. He's really sweet but he's standoff-ish, he's blunt but also quiet. I don't know, he's just.. I don't know." I said. "That's his actions. Tell me how he makes you feel. Whatever you're feeling while talking about him, to him or thinking about him, good or bad." She said and I closed my eyes. "I like him. He makes me nervous, knowing he's around makes me feel like-like I should be keeping myself away for him only. Oh and he paid for my groceries after offering to go grocery shopping for me. However, I shouldn't feel like this. I don't even know him." I said, opening my eyes before sitting back. "Does he work at the gym? Would you have been seeing him today?" She asked. "Yes but I didn't start feeling like this until yesterday when I saw him when I was having brunch." I said. "Emotions can change every day. Today it seems as if you're nervous around him, tomorrow you might now feel different from today. That is normal" She said. "You're so wrapped up into your feeling for him that the idea of seeing him puts you in a unsure headspace." She said. I sat quietly taking in what she was saying. "There is nothing wrong with how you feel Karter. What you know about him, you like and that's normal. Try to not think much into it, breath and allow yourself to revolve with the world. Not every situation is bad, I know your still healing from your past but don't allow it to stop your future. Plus, a man offering to go grocery shopping and paying, keep him or send him my number." She joked making me laugh. "That's what I like to hear." She said. "Seriously. Breathe, live and allow." She said and I nodded. "Thank you Dr. Price." I said taking a deep breathe. "Call me whenever Karter. I'm here for you." She said. "Yes ma'am. Have a good day." I said before hanging up.
After looking in the mirror, cleaning my face I walked back in the gym. Mind clear and ready to start my day. "Hey Rami, do you know where Trinity is? I'm ready to start my session."
