Damaged Goodz: Parenthood

17venteen

Tristan P.O.V
I finished up the last part of Silas' tattoo as I sat in his house. I decided to just come do it to him at his house because I didn't want to go to the shop. Just in case Cleo was there. Thinking about what I did to him and the fact that he's divorcing me, had my fucking mind and heart broken. I don't feel whole without seeing him. It's been two weeks and I haven't heard from him at all or seen him. I missed him so fucking much. Blaze too. I feel so bad that he had to see that. He shouldn't have even heard me yelling at him. Yet once again I fucked up. That's all I do.

I'm such a fuck up it's actually crazy. Everytime I think of something that has happened that was bad in my life I notice that I'm always the the bad guy. The one that caused it. I'm abusive, manipulative, a terrible father, a terrible husband, I'm a terrible friend and son. Life is just not for me. I can't do shit right. I don't even know why I got that mad at him for only trying to help Blaze.

I guess that's why I didn't want him to get tested. Now that it's true that he's bipolar and has IED, I guess it's also safe to say that I'm the cause. I didn't want to be the reason he was going to have to struggle in his life forever. I was though. I was the cause of everything. I beat my husband's ass multiple times and I'm not even saying it was right, but I did it over stupid shit. Not like he did anything serious. Every time I put my hands on him was when he was helping me with something, or helping Blaze. I can't believe I did that. I didn't even want to beg him not to divorce me because I knew that I deserved to be alone and he deserved to be happy.

I can't make him happy. I never did. I can't make Blaze happy. I never did. He told me in detail how he didn't love me. Yea, I was drunk, but that shit stuck with me. My heart is shattered. I love my baby boy so much and he doesn't even love me. He doesn't even understand how much I love him. I fucking failed my family.

I failed.

The house was destroyed too. About a day or two later, I had a breakdown and I went through and destroyed everything. Beds, TVs, sinks, showers, tables, just everything. I haven't cleaned it up either. When I go home I just walk through all of the glass and broken shit and trash and go up to my room. I don't care about cleaning up the house. I don't even have the energy to do that or anything else. I'm surprised that I even agreed to come do his tat. I'm so fucking depressed. I've barely been eating.

I just wanna see him.

"How much I owe you for this last session?" Silas asked me as he sat up on looking at me.

"Nothing. It's on the house," I told him packing up my shit after cleaning it up and standing up.

"Lemme give you something man, for coming over here and shit," He replied smiling at me.

"It's fine. I'll see you around. Let me know if need anything at the shop. I've been hearing good things about you at the shop. Keep it up," I told him as looked at me like he had something on his mind.

"Can I ask you something? Is everything good with you and Cleo? You haven't been coming in and neither has he, and you know y'all both my boys so I just wanted to make sure everything was good," He said to me making me sigh and shake my head.

"We're getting a divorce. I fucked up," I told him vaguely. "I'll see you, call me if-,"

"Woah, wait nigga huh?! What happened?" He asked me shocked.

"I don't wanna talk about it. Just know I did some shit I can't come back from. That nigga is done with me and there's nothing I can do," I told him as he shook his head at that.

"I don't know about that...now I don't know what you did and shit, but I do know that nigga Cleo loves you more than anyone on this planet. The way he talks about you and looks at you when you're in a room, the way he describes you when we've talked previously, I'm not saying he's bullshiting you, but maybe if you fix whatever you did there may be another chance for you and him. Was the only thing he said that? That he was divorcing you? Cleo seems like he would give you a choice," He spoke as I wrapped his leg.