... are we in love?

66

eiza’s diary

nov. 21

dear yesterday’s eiza,

for some reason, i feel like i’m in my happiest.

ryan and i spent some nights talking about the script. minsan susunod si mau at gab para samahan kami. 12 midnight na, amoy spicy cheese noodles ang apartment dahil sa kanila. pati refrigerator ko nagkalaman ng ‘di ko napapansin. sila na rin ang nakasama ko manuod ng films na nabanggit sa ‘kin ni ryan. for the first time in months, naramdaman ko ‘yong “tahanan” sa apartment.

i feel more determined to pursue teaching in the future dahil sa pag part-time ko sa library. i spent most of my time reading and arranging books tapos kapag may extra time, tinutuloy ko ang gift ko para kay ryan. his birthday is coming soon! medyo napansin ko ngang hindi nila binabanggit? o baka dahil na rin busy talaga sila sa uni.

mau finished her final presentation for her project while gabby successfully defended her thesis. natapos na rin ang exams nila kaya we did a small celebration yesterday at the rooftop apt. ryan and i tried to bake some cookies and cupcakes for them instead of buying a cake. we drank a few bottle of soju habang namumulutan ako ng sisig (na luto ni mau.)

seryosong tanong, what ryan can’t do? sabi niya pa sa ‘kin habang nagb-bake kami, hindi naman daw siya maalam sa gano’n pero mas kabisado niya pa recipe ko (na isang beses niya lang binasa) kesa sa ‘kin. because of that i made him wear my crochet apron! sobrang cute niya hindi ko na napigilan sabihan siya ng cute outloud. i even took a photo and sent it to mau and gab hahaha. gulat siya sa pic while busy putting frosting sa cupcake, pati ilong niya may frosting from unconsciously wiping his face. worth it ang effort at pagod niya dahil naubos din namin ‘yong cookies at cupcakes. sabi pa niya turuan ko raw siyang magbake ng iba pang pastries, e, parang ako ‘tong kailangan niya turuan.

after that ryan and i met the crew na makakasama at tutulong sa ‘min sa filming. kakilala naman na ni ryan at iisa lang ang lalaki sa crew (we love a women dominated workplace! hehe.) pumayag naman si miss de castro (the librarian) na lumiban sa part-time (for filming) dahil malapit na rin ang school break at pinilit kong tapusin ang tasks ko sa library. i already packed my stuff so i wouldn’t forget to bring anything. madalas kasi kapag nagmamadali na ako, mas marami akong nakakalimutan. filming will take one to two months!

last night i felt so tired but i felt so happy. usually kapag pagod ako, malungkot ako or i feel empty. mas marami akong worries na naiiisip, pero kagabi i went to sleep smiling. my parents are doing good and i’m slowly finding my own path on my own pace.

there are moments i still ask ryan in my head when i get the chance to take a glance at him, “can i get used to this?”

and every time he smiles at me, every time i see him with mau and gab genuinely smiling at me with adoration, naiiisip ko... maybe i can. maybe it wouldn’t hurt to let them in.

anyway, i hope ryan will like my birthday gift! :)

breathe and take it slow,

today’s eiza.