Dai Li's Personal Spy

Chapter 14: "Are you...OK?"

"Stop staring at me," I said, shooting the man a venomous glare.

"Can't I watch a woman in her element?" The brutish Xie mocked. I stared at him, my brow line looming angrily over my eyes. I wiped down the tables in the dining hall.

"And what is my element, Xie?" I questioned, my patience wearing thin.

"The kitchen," He said with a laugh. I pelted the wet rag at his eye and he oomphed in pain.

"Men assume my place is in the kitchen, but I guarantee I've lived a hundred more lives than you. Where is my respect?" I said, loosely quoting a poet I liked in Ba Sing Se.

"Respect? Don't get comfortable, girl. They've got you doing all the gritty shit on this ship even when you have the position as a royal tracker." He chastised, gripping his mug of beer.

"I work because it is rewarding. You work because you have to." I said, half-lying. My work on this ship was rewarding, but I have to work for the Dai Li, and that was far from rewarding.

He quirked a brow not seeming to believe me. He mocked me. "You know I've heard about you from the Eastern fleet." I crossed my arms.

"Heard what?"

"That you're a violent one. They say you clawed a man's eye out when he tried to lift up your sleeve." The sentence almost made me gag.

My mind and stomach reeled as I was suddenly transported back to that memory. He touched me, in my bunk. I tried to pry his hands away but he persisted.

He smelt like death. Like something so malicious it had to seep into me, to feel me. He tried to lift up my shirt. I screamed so loud but no one heard. He kept lifting so I lifted my hand and scratched him with my long fingernails.

I remember they had no polish on them but his vermilion blood was coated so thickly on them you could call it polish.

I reeled myself out of the memory and stared at my nails, painted red. Red like passion. Red like fire. Red like blood.

"Raven? Hello?", He scoffed, "Women, always with their heads in the cloud. Lucky, you're good-looking Hun, 'cause I wouldn't tolerate this usually."

I snapped out of my thoughts and lifted my head.

"What did you just say?" I asked, voice as smooth as water unbroken by the tide.

"I said you're lucky you're not an ugly wench." He said again, laughing. Red clouded my vision like a sheet of sea glass. I couldn't even hear the two pairs of footsteps clanking down into the hall.

I lunged at the man barrelling him over. He grunted in surprise and stared at me wide-eyed. I lifted my hand and punched him square in the jaw. He was so surprised he couldn't even process what happened before I scratched him on the cheek. 4 small slits on his cheek leaked thick blood.

I lifted my hand again but felt it pause mid-air. A tight grip was around my wrist. I slowly turned my head to look up and see Iroh. He had this strange look. Like he knew all too well that I would do this. That I would lash out. He began to lift me up but I got up on my own, pulling my hand away. Iroh helped Xie up as he held his cheek, blood flowing through the cracks in his withered fingers.

I turned away from the scene to find Zuko staring at me. My heart sank. It was like him seeing me like that mattered. Why did it? Was it because I considered him my friend? My expression was stone and I turned away from him and ran up the stairs.

I hyperventilated, world spinning. I clutched my chest, my diaphragm expanding as far as it could. I struggled to find air even on deck. The air was humid and choking. There was no comforting breeze. The sun was the highest in the sky. I stumbled around like a hungry dog and ignored the trailing footsteps behind me. I ran down to the crew's quarters, but no one was inside as everyone was working. I found my room and barged inside.