Ivan lies awake in his bed and scratching his beard and reading the news. "Man, how do you burn down a fire extinguisher factory?" He pondered, sipping coffee. After which he put down the newspaper to inspect the dark mass at the end of his bed. "Hello." Said the figure. "Why are you here?" Asked Ivan, confused. "I'm sorry to intrude but unfortunately I need you to go defeat Giratina. You of course will be given the time and preparation necessary to go do it but make sure to defeat Giratina quickly, she's threatening to destroy the world again." Explained the figure, walking into the light and revealing itself to be none other than Arceus.
"Hold on, your the god of all Pokémon. How could you possibly need someone else to do it for you?" Doubted Ivan. "I'm lazy and I don't want to get hurt, besides I have a lot of work to do considering all the tantrums some of the legendaries are throwing." Replied Arceus. "Well I have nothing better to do so, do I get to choose what Pokémon I transform into?" Asked Ivan. "No, that's up to a random number generator. Also, don't disclose any information that could lead any Pokémon once so ever that you are a subsidiary of me or in any way, affiliated with me." Answered Arceus.
"So what about partners?" Continued Ivan. "Well you get the usual one but please don't try to romance them or tame feral Pokémon. You can play with them sure and jokingly flirt with your partner but don't seriously try to infatuate them or tame feral Pokémon. Also, there is a massive cult I've been meaning to deal with. If you want to do some extra work after you deal with Giratina, you can go ahead and wipe them out." Offered Arceus, opening a portal beside that was facing Ivan.
"Alright then, let's go ahead and do this!" Yelled Ivan enthusiastically as he charged into the portal, half expecting to just hit the wall. Despite his beliefs in physics, he was instantly transported into a white room. "Hey why am I here? Aren't I supposed to be falling on someone right now?" Complained Ivan, impatient. "As a fun little added perk, you get to watch the wheel decide what Pokémon you become." Answered Arceus spinning a wheel that very clearly was just a ditto that didn't appear to enjoy its job.
"Round and round I go, where I stop, only Arceus and I know." Said the ditto. "Jim, don't ruin the spin." Whispered Arceus. After Jim stopped spinning, he landed on Glaceon and Ivan was sent through a trapdoor into free fall. Instantly he checked out his new look and looked for any spot to not die. He found a great spot at what appeared to the world's softest mattress but then he remembered that he was falling not sightseeing. He attempted to glide in the general direction of the mattress to no avail.
He jokingly attempted flap his front legs to fly but then landed in a mud pit inside a forest, going a good 3 feet into it and leaving an outline of his body in it. "Hey are you okay man?" Called an unknown voice from the outside. "Yeah, this mud is surprisingly soft." Replied Ivan. "So, do you need any help out of there or can you help yourself?" Asked the voice. "No I'm fine." Answered Ivan as he climbed out of the hole. "Well then what's your name?" She said as she backed away to allow for Ivan to climb out.
"Ivan and yours?" Replied Ivan. "Janet, how'd you get here?" Answered Janet. "I fell really high." Said Ivan causally. "I know that but why?" Questioned Janet, inching closer. "Gravity." Added Ivan, chuckling. "Well if you won't tell me where you fell from, I guess I still have to bring you back to town for identification." Sighed Janet flashing a normal rank badge. Janet then started escorting Ivan through the forest. After a bit they ran into a group of feral rattatas, Janet cleared most of them easily with fury swipes before one managed to get close to Ivan.
He grabbed out of the air and crushed its head into a fine paste, granted with some difficulty due to not having hands. He then stomped out the rest of the ones left in the horde, getting his paws bloody. "Ivan you should clean up man, you look feral." Commented Janet, noticing Ivan's crimson paws. "Shouldn't we wait until we're out of the forest for that?" Remarked Ivan. Janet then sighed and followed Ivan who ran past her.
YOU ARE READING
PMD: Tamers of the Feral
HumorA Russian man named Ivan gets summoned by Arceus to go defeat Giratina. After landing and meeting his skitty partner, he proceeds to completely disregard everything Arceus told him, including taming a feral Pokémon. Due to this he commits high treas...
