As much as you want [Chishiya x Reader]

Chapter 15 - I'm still right here

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt

"How could you?"

Your voice was cold as ice, sadness having been replaced by anger. And then by sadness, and then anger again. Around thirty minutes had passed since you were crouching behind an armchair, praying to whatever deity was available at that particular time that no one would see you. And no one had. But you were stuck in a cycle of being sad, angry, sad again, and angry again.

You had been wandering around, trying to find where they had taken Arisu, or Usagi. To no luck. And, also, if you had found them, what would you had done? You had no weapons, and it was not as if a walkie-talkie to the head could have KO'd anyone.

But you had found Chishiya. He was by the exit of The Beach, where you were supposed to meet once this was all over and you had stolen the cards.

He looked at you. Unreadable, as (almost) always.

"I knew you wouldn't be willing to go forward with the plan if I told you everything."

"Of course I wouldn't! What I don't understand is how could you? They trusted you, Chishiya! They are good people, they just want answers!"

"You haven't shared more than a few sentences with them."

"That's not the point! The point is... being a good person!" You lifted your arms above your head, clearly exasperated with him. You were screaming, but you didn't care. "Look, Chishiya, they don't deserve what's coming to them. They took them! They will kill them! Seriously, we need to help them. Don't you feel sorry for them!?"

"Feel sorry?"

You looked at him in the eyes. You wanted, no, you needed to see... Something. You didn't know exactly what you were looking for, but you didn't find it. His brown eyes were as cold as ice.

"Is there anything we can't do in order to survive?" He asked you, holding your gaze. 

"There should be limits! The end doesn't always justify the means, I thought you had realized that!"

"Only when it comes to you."

"Don't you dare tell me you did this for me." You scoffed in disbelief, eyes still on him, your jaw clenched in indignation.

"What if I did?" 

"This is not what I wanted."

"You hate this world. You have said so yourself, plenty of times. I tried to come up with a plan to get you out of here."

How could he be so calm, when you were fuming? You noticed you couldn't see him anymore, only a blurry figure, and realized tears had started to fill your eyes. Oh, so it was time to be sad again.

"Shall I remind you I was also a pawn in your plan not that long ago?"

"You were. Until caring for you was not something I could avoid doing any longer."

You loved him. But you hated him at the same time. 

"It's not fair. They don't deserve it."

"This world is a cruel place, and we are here only to win games, until we lose. You don't deserve to be here, either."

"You should have told me, at least."

"I told you. You wouldn't have agreed to proceed."

No, you wouldn't have. But at least you wouldn't feel as betrayed. As hurt. He grabbed your hand, and you let him. How was it that, no matter how devastated you were, you couldn't help but notice how good your fingers fitted intertwined with his? A perfect match.