Blinded by the Walls | Dramione

Doing What's Right

As he stormed out of her sight, he felt his temper flare into uncontrollable measures, and found himself in a deserted corridor of the castle. The feelings of anger, and of a swearing rush of guilt panging in his chest were so intense that he felt like he could burst, and without thinking, he kicked the nearby wall with all his might.

The impact was so powerful that he felt a searing pain shoot up his leg. He stumbled back, biting his lower lip until he felt blood pooling in his mouth from the pain he felt, but he couldn't stop. He felt compelled to vent his frustration, and kicked the wall again, and again, and again. The rage had consumed him like an evil force that he didn't even feel the physical pain he was causing to himself. He felt numb, as if nothing mattered to him at that moment, rather than hurting himself to his maximum ability.

He was screaming like a maniac, his voice bouncing against the thick walls and creating an echo that could be heard from miles away. His voice coming back to him like a boomerang, also enabled him to realize the gravity of what he had done, which brutally kickstarted a shift in his emotions.

His anger began to give way to regret and sadness. The stinging words, the horrible words he had told her out of rage were now ricocheting in his skull, reminding him how vile and inconsiderate of a being he was. How he had managed to fuck up with her once again. As the reality of his actions, the way he had pushed her, the memory of her blood trickling down her neck and her shoulders sunk in, Ron's anger turned to sorrow.

His frame sank to the ground, his back against the wall, and cradled his injured foot that sat at an unnatural angle, dangling grotesquely from his leg. He realized with horror that he had managed to break every bone in it. No matter how unbearable the pain grew, the guilt he felt for abusing her was far worse.

Tears streamed down his face. He started crying uncontrollably, each sob wracking his body with pain. He dragged both hands on top of his head, and grabbed fistfuls of hair and pulled on them, until he felt a stinging sensation in his scalp, making his cries louder.

He hated himself. He knew that there was no going back after this. If he had left without pushing her, then maybe there would be hope, but when blood enters the picture everything becomes irreversible.

He didn't know how to fix this, and knowing that he had lost her for real this time became unbearable. He started hitting himself everywhere, throwing his body from side to side, banging his head on the floor like a mad-man until he felt a crack on his skull.

Good, he thought. He needed to feel pain ten times worse than her. Maybe then he could forgive himself.

He knew that his temper control issues would get back to him one day. That it would get back to him so good that it would take away one of the people he loved the most in this world away from him.

For hours, he cried. Thinking of all the memories he had with her, the first day she had stumbled in his compartment, the first day she had called him an 'idiot', the first time he had made her laugh...

He cried until his eyes were swollen and red, until his throat was raw, until he couldn't physically form any more tears. He felt like he had lost everything, since when the others would find out, they would leave him too.

What was he compared to the Golden Girl?

Nothing.

An idiot that would always remain in her shadows.

As the night wore on, Ron's tears began to slow. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically.

With a heavy heart and a throbbing foot, he slowly got to one foot, and dragged the other and made his way back to the Gryffindor common room. He didn't dare go to Mme. Pomfrey, since he presumed that she would be there, and facing her, seeing those eyes that carried nothing but hate and disappointment for him was not an option.