Hourglass

III

[Jiang Yuan's First Person POV]

The moment I understood everything, I realized I had no parents.

I had no mother... No father..

No... Nothing...

What I have were my grandparents, my uncle, my auntie, her husband, and my cousin. They showered me with love, tender care, and comfort.

Still... It feels so empty...

It felt like I'm lacking something...

Watching other children with their parents comforting them. Watching how parents hug and spoiling their children rotten. Watching others bask in their parent's scents.

Somehow...

I can no longer control this feeling of envy.

And those children taking it for granted infuriates me.

How dare they?

To have something others cannot.

To wish for their parents to get lost just because they can't give their every whim.

To wish for them to die just like that just because of petty reasons.

How dare they wished for something so wasteful?

They had everything I don't have.

They had everything I wished to have.

"You okay?" Seeing my grandfather smile at me made it worse. They are loving me, yes. I. Grateful...yet... I want to ask them...

Why?

Why did my parents leave?

They don't... Like me?

Don't they love me?

But having them fill that gap kept my mouth shut. I have no time to be unfilial. I don't have the time to be envious. I must consider myself lucky that I have these people surrounding me.

"You're jealous.." I carefully turned my head to grandpa. I stared at him for a while feeling all guilty of my petty jealousy, "perhaps... It's time..."

The next thing I knew, we were in front of a cenotaph in the ancestral hall. It was named 'Wei Ying.' I glanced at my grandfather who patted my head.

"A-Xian... Meet your son... A-Yuan..." And then turning at me, "A-Yuan... This is your mother... Wei Ying..."

I suddenly felt warmth all over myself. It's like someone was tightly embracing me. I don't why... But I cried that day. I felt the gentle breeze trying to calm me. Something warm on my cheeks as if trying to wipe my tears away. I cried. I cried so hard.

Not because I feel pathetic.

Not because I was lonely.

Because I realized how my mother loved me.

I remained in that warmth for hours. I let myself enjoy the silence. Someone was beside me. I knew it. Someone watching me, taking care of me, a presence I knew I'll never meet. I faintly heard a hum that eased both my heart and soul.

Every day, I spent an hour without default in front of the cenotaph. Brought different flowers and treats I could find.

That place... Felt so warm...

I could pour my heart out. I let myself tell my adventures and endeavors. Happily watched and stay while reading some book or doing some work.

I found myself seeking solace in a lonely place but at the same time not as lonely as I had ever been in life.