Hourglass

V

The last time Wei Wuxian trusts a person it led him to his downfall. He stares at the distance, feeling the breeze as he watches the lotuses bloom. His hand caressed his son's head who slept while having fun with him.

Before, he had imagined marrying for love. Have kids, live a happy life, and have a complete family. He dreamed once to live in a small hut, with his husband, his child, and whatever pet they may raise.

For once, he had dreamed of Lan Wangji in it.

Pathetic. You're pathetic Wei Wuxian. It has been thirteen years and yet your heart still yearned for him. He abandoned you, betray you, lied to you, and yet, you're here missing every speck of love he gave you.

His pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses his understanding. He tried to understand, and reason out, he trusted the man of his life for his promises.

[I will return]

The sad truth is that opportunity doesn't knock twice.

[I will be back]

He can't give in to his heart. He had to steel his heart to protect his child.

He seldom thinks about his limitations, and they never made him sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers. He learned from his mistake. He learned that loving that person was his huge mistake.

'When you care for someone more than they deserve, you get hurt more than you deserve.'

[I am here, Wei Ying]

The assurance that shattered the very core of his foundation. The belief that someone would never betray him, accept him for who he is! He realized; it hurts when you're being ignored by the person whose attention is the only thing you want in the world.

He paused the moment he realized someone was standing a distance before him. The white-robed man did not speak and only watched them. He raised his head and meet with the golden hues.

One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart.

Why? How can he stare at him with a warm gaze? How can he silently let himself watch in pain?

How?

How can this selfish person selflessly stay at the back and watch from afar?

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. But right now, he felt so numb. His heart is thumping so hard that he can't feel anything anymore.

"What are you doing here? Lan Wangji.." he growled.

The man did not stop, he just stood there, aloof and uncaring, his gaze never leaving his son and the silver orbs.

"I am not going back with you or my son." Wei Wuxian barked.

Damn his heart! It hurts to breathe because every breath he takes proves he can't live without him. His inner self is begging him, shouting for him to forgive.

But he must be stern. He must be strong not to let this man let him wave again.

He had enough.

He had enough of the pain when he realize he aren't as important to someone as he thought he was.

All those years of foolishly loving this person made me forget how to smile.

He doesn't want to go back there again.

He doesn't want to cry for him again.

"Get lost..." Wei Wuxian growled.

Jiang Wanyin arrived; he had been aware the today's Lan Wangji visit to Lotus Pier. And it was his fault for not telling his brother about it.

"You let him what?" Wei Wuxian asked.

"Wei Wuxian... Please... Not no—"

"This fucking man abandoned my son! And you allowed him to see him once a month? Who knows what shitty trash he's plotting for my son?!"

"But he is still A-Yuan's fa—"

"Shut up Jiang Cheng! I'm not buying these excuses!" Wei Wuxian roared, "A-Yuan doesn't have a father! I am!"

To see his brother like this, they knew there was no settlement that will happen.

"He had a wife. Can't he just fuck that whore and ta-dah! They'll have a son! And father? Since when he became A-Yuan's father?"

"A-Xian..." Jiang Fengmian called, "calm down..."

"Did you allow this uncle?" Wei Wuxian asked.

All Jiang's main family remained silent.

Lan Wangji bowed and turned around. He did not say anything in his defense.

"You never cared before... And now... You're here? Aren't you pathetic Lan Wangji?" Wei Wuxian mocked, "never show yourself... To my son ever again..."

Lan Wangji paused; his hands gripped the hem of his robe. He turned around and saw how Wei Wuxian stared at him with resentment.

"I may not be a good man..." Lan Wangji whispered, "or a good husband or a father..."

He gave Wei Wuxian a weak smile.

"I will always care for you, even if we're not together and even if we're far, far away from each other." Lan Wangji replied, "even if your happiness is not with me..."

Lan Wangji kneeled for the first time in his life.

Kneeled to beg the man before him.

"Please don't take my only right away..." He whispered, "Please..."

Lan Wangji had lived a life in that his son did not know who he was.

"I am not worthy of you or our son... I have no desire to break what life he had..."

He had lived that thirteen years in the shadows watching silently and protecting his son from his clan.

"I have no desire to be with you or him if that is what you desire..."

He lived a life full of guilt, full of regret.

"I know I have been long past of asking your forgiveness..."

Live a life where his only salvation was his son.

"I do not wish to be known to him as his father..."

Lan Wangji's lips trembled.

"I just want to love him from afar."

Kneeling and completely trembling.

"I beg you... Wei Ying..."

"If you begged me before..." Wei Wuxian replied, "I would have allowed you... but now... I don't want to destroy my son's dreams of a family..."

Taking his son into his arms.

"Get lost... Lan Wangji..."

...to be continued...