Lethal Desire (Fatal Pursuit Sequel)

one

Here we are again.

Deep breaths.

"Would anyone else like to contribute anything this week?" the group coordinator raises her eyebrows at me hopefully. Her eyelids stretch upwards, revealing shimmery blue eye shadow caked up between the drapes of her eyelids.

Since I came back to the States, I've been focused on starting afresh and basically sorting my shit out. Not just what happened over the summer, though. Even all of my repressed childhood memories.

I've been going to this support group called Two's A Company, TAC for short, for mothers and pregnant women as per my therapist's suggestion.

She said it'd help me come to terms with new motherhood since it seemed to give me so much anxiety in our previous sessions. Moving to a completely different state up north, so far from my family and everything I knew to start my career was already stressful enough.

Plus, given all that had happened in Spain, it was "paramount" that I found some "healthy ways to cope or else it would be detrimental to the baby". Her words exactly.

Oh, yeah. The baby. The thing growing inside of me.

I had yet to tell anyone about it except for my therapist and the girls in TAC. Declaring my pregnancy aloud always felt like a lie or a joke without a punchline whenever it left my mouth.

The girls in the group were turned to me, nudging me with their eyes to speak up. I was the only one who hadn't said anything all meeting.

In fact, I had barely spoken at any of the meetings. I usually just silently watched from my hard ass folding chair in the far back row, listening to all their different stories and experiences. 

But I liked it here. The girls in TAC are supportive and understanding and although I may not enjoy pregnancy, I enjoy the feminine love and encouragement.

Though I don't quite feel like a mom, I don't even feel like I'm pregnant. But then again I don't really know what that's supposed to feel like so early on anyway. 

Despite all of that, they make me feel like I can actually do this.

So when they turn to me, their small smiles and soft glances empower me rather than make me anxious.

Nevertheless, I have to practically force myself to spit out my words, "Hi, everybody. I'm Infinity."

"Hey, Infinity." the group says in unison.

"What were you hoping to share with us today, Infinity?" The group coordinator beams, uncrossing her legs with anticipation, the wooden heels of her clogs clopping against the floor.

I take in a small breath, looking around the room at their wondrous expressions. Looking at me like, 'wow, so you can talk?!'

"Well..." I started, "I got promoted at my job."

I started working at HAUTE , a marketing agency, in their creative department as a set designer and stylist, then one day they suddenly bumped me up to the project management department. Needless to say, it was a huge difference. I used to be the assistant to one of the project managers, Guillermo, then he quit out of the blue and they just expected me to assume his position. It was only supposed to last about a week but it's been a month now so I'm a little on edge.

"Oh, wonderful!" she trilled in delight, dancing her fingertips against each other in light applause.

"Well, technically 'promoted'," I hook my fingers into quotation marks as I say this and the group coordinator cocks her head curiously, inquiring with the crook of her neck, "The guy who had the position quit unexpectedly so until they can replace him, I have his workload. So, same job title but more responsibilities but also way better pay so I can't complain too much." I shrug.
"My boss said this is a good time to 'pull myself up by the bootstraps and showcase my skills' and maybe then I can get a real promotion." I imitate his nasally voice as I quote his words and it elicits laughs from some of the group.