everything i told you

everything i said

the bell rang. i walk over to gym, smiling making sure people think im ok. 

i go down to the changing rooms, deciding if i should risk wearing a shorts sleeve shirt. i decide that not for today but next class i will wear a shorts sleeve, even tho i know i will relapse again before then.

instead of telling my teacher i dont have shorts sleeve i just walk in his class wearing long sleeve and my usual pants, i try not to give contact with him but he sees me. " charlie, you haven't had your gym clothes in over 1 month, you said you would this class? where are they. " he demanded. " im sorry mister but i dont have them, ill bring them next class ." i say as i walk away.

the first 30 minutes of gym is just free time, but you need to atleast be playing something. i dont like anything, so i just look like im doing something, most of the time just walking around or stay put in the changing room. 

after the 30 minutes we play badminton, i have mixed feelings about that sport, but i need to play to keep my marks up. 

gym goes by quickly, the bell for the end of the day ends, finally its over. i grab my headphones out of my locker and the rest of my stuff, and get on the bus to go home, i love taking busses.

i arrive around 4 minutes later and open my door, and go to my room. i see my boyfriend, " hey charlie :) " he says, i dont really have motivation to answer him so i give him a i little " hey , " he comes over to hug me, and lies in bed with me, holding my waist and my face just staring at my eyes. 

i feel tears forming into my eyes, so i wipe them and look away hoping he doesnt notice, i do not want him knowing that i relapsed again. 

" baby, whats up?, what happened. " he says holding my face to make me stare at him, he looks worried. " nothing just a hard day, im fine tho " as i give a smile. he holds my face and kisses me, and says " okay, but if somethings wrong im here for you ". he says with still some worry in his eyes. 

for the rest of the week i went to school, nothing happened that was bad, no relapsing. just normal days.

it was the weekend and i woke up to my boyfriend holding me asleep. 

ive been wearing long sleeves for the past week.

 i wake up, getting out of bed hoping to not wake jonathan up, i start walking downstairs but then see that hes following me.

" love, i have a question but you might not like it, did you do it again? youve been wearing long sleeves for the past week, im worried. " he says, i dont want him to know i relapsed, so i say " no, just cold these days" as i let out a nervous laugh. he believes me, he continues to cuddle me.