everything i told you

jonathans pov :

i wake up, charlies not next to me, which is weird but i think nothing of it. 

i walk up to the bathroom, but its locked. " charlie? you in there? " i dont recieve an answer, i walk up the the kitchen to get a knife to unlock the door, but instead i see the pills box laying on the table with pills everywhere. 

" oh no, no , no , fuck, shit, oh god. " i remember what happened last summer, when charlie took a bunch of pills as a form for suicide. i think to myself that this cant be happening right now. the doors locked, charlies not here, the pills. 

i run to the bathroom door and bang on it as hard as i can, while breaking down " charlie, please. charlie , i , charlie. please dont do this, please. " i dont get an answer. i slide down the bathroom door while breaking down yelling in pain. its getting hard to breath, and i dont know what to do. everything spinning, i cant breath. help me. 

i get up and grab the phone and dial 9-1-1. " hello, please come over, please now. i need someone hear as fucking fast as you can. i think my girlfriends tried to overdose on a bunch of different pills. i fucking need someone here right fucking now. i, its 7632 renovet avenue. please hurry. " i hang up while breaking down. i cant belive this happened. is it my fault. who, i. its getting really hot in here. i cant breath. 

the police and ambulance get here, asking me where she is. i used as much voice as i can get out of me to tell them she locked herself in the bathroom. one police was working on opening the door, the others told me to follow them so i can tell them why i think she overdosed, what might have caused this. 

i tell them that she has been dealing with self harm for months now, and she recently relapsed, and i that i found out and that its most likely my fault she did this. i explain that she has tried to overdose before too. 

they get the door unlocked and i run to the bathroom, i stare at her. shes passed out. i kneal down to her and hold her as hard as i can as this might be the last time i see her. the police push me away so they can bring her in the ambulance but i deny. i yell. i need to hold her. I NEED TO HOLD HER. they grab me out of the way and pick her up and put her in the ambulance, they let me ride back with her. 

my eyes are puffed up, red as im still breaking down, i grab her hand and say " baby, this is all my fault, im sorry. im sorry. i love you, i always will, please, ju- please just stay with me. i promise to protect you. please. " we get to the hospital and they take her into a room, they tell me to go home. 

how can i go home, without her. how can i go home knowing what happened. knowing its my fault. i ask myself, but i do as said.

i get home, lay down and end up falling asleep.