everything i told you

jonathans pov

i realise she gets horny. i begin to get horny aswell. 

i slowly pull her sleeves up, she hides her arms behind her back, is she hiding her scars? i ask myself.

scars dont define who she is, even if she has scars shes my pretty girl, i love her so much. i dont care if she has scars or not shes still the most beautiful girl i have ever seen. 

i take her arms infront of her, i see scars from the side, i turn her arms pointing her wrists at me. she relapsed, but thats okay. im proud of her either way. 

we have sex.

a few hours later were lying down together, i look at her and shes half asleep, i see tears form  into her eyes. i should just let her be. not talk to her about the scars , i dont want to make her feel awkward, but i want to know when, why and why she didnt tell me. she doesnt need to tell me but i need to make sure shes okay, i hold her up and say " i saw the scars, im not mad, im just worried. you could have told me you know? " i realise that the last part sounded mean but hoping she doesnt take it in one. i frown of sadness, i cant belive i didnt make sure she was okay. i feel horrible. 

i realise shes starting to stress and freak out, the tears are worse, shes looking away as she says " i, uh, i i dont know it just happened, i just, i didnt want to, but i needed to, a sensation , it just, it caused me to relapse, i really didnt mean to i just. " tears flowing down her face. im disappointed in myself for now knowing, im better than that. 

shes breathing heavily, i can tell shes trying to hold her tears back. she gets up and says " im sorry. "  

"what just happened." i think to myself, tears in my eyes start to form, but i need to be strong and take care of my girl, ill cry on my own time. i wipe the tears hoping that it doesnt look like i was crying. 

i walk over the the bathroom, knocking on the door hoping she would let me in so i could hold her and show her that everything's okay. i feel the tears coming in, but i ignore them. she tells me she needs a few minutes on her own, as much as i dont want to leave, i respect her and walk away. i get in bed and fall asleep. 

i dont know what time it was but i felt her grip onto my hand, but im more than half asleep so i sleep.