Oncelers pov
This bitch has 2 KIDS. WTF. First i find out hes lorde, next i find out hes married and has a family. Lowkey wish that was me ngl. Well im gonna go cry now.
Stan's pov
I actually can't believe my dad is cheating on mum with THE ONCELER. THE GUY FROM THE LORAX. The Lorax is actually rlly annoying.
"Let's go find the onceler," says cartman.
"Yeah, i don't think he knew that ur dad had a family," says Kyle.
"I don't wanna comfort him u dumb jew, I want a thneed. After all, it's a fine thing that all people need!"
"Fine, we'll comfort him and buy a thneed," I say, cus im sick and tired of their bullshit.
Now we're looking for the oncelers tent thing. After like 15 minutes, we found it. Kyle and cartman argue over who knocks on the door, then I knock on the door.
"Yes?" Says the onceler as he opens the door.
"Uh hi, my name is stan and this is Kyle and cartman."
"Yeah we want thneeds," says cartman.
"You guys want thneeds? Well you three came to the right guy!"
So he makes us our thneeds and we just talk about my dad with him.
"You're dad is hilarious," says the onceler.
"Hes also an idiot," I say. "Wanna know all the idiotic stuff he did?; He bought a blockbuster store and made no money, made out with an indian 4 times because he wanted to be part indian, got really shitty because the men's bathroom was always occupied so he dressed up as a woman to use the women's bathroom and started making music, went to china and started covid because he had sex with a pangolin and Mickey Mouse, started a weed business which was boring asf, went to the truffular forest and met you and cheated on mum with you, and there's a lot more shit he did but I can't remember."
"Wow thats a lot," he says surprised. "Thats hot asf 😍😍"
"Wait what??" Kyle says shocked.
"Yes, im into problematic men. I didnt even know I was into men until I met ur dad. Thanks kids!"
Then he ran out the door and started calling for my dad.
"Idk about you guys but thneeds are my new favourite thing," says cartman.
"Shut up fatso," says Kyle.
YOU ARE READING
Randy marsh x the onceler
FanfictionThis fanfic is satire which is why it's written poorly One day, randy marsh decides to upgrade his weed business by finding more types of weed to sell. He goes to the truffula forest and he meets the onceler, a tall, handsome young man. They start o...
