Oncelers pov:
Im better now. That didn't take long to recover but I'm fine so that's cool. Now I'm looking for randy in the factory, and I hear yelling coming from one of the rooms. I decide to ease drop on whoever is yelling because i love drama.
"WHAT THE FUCK?? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???"
"Sharron calm down! Please, I didn't mean for all of this to happen, I still love you."
"DO YOU? OR DO YOU LOVE HIM? THATS IT, WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE AND IM SELLING THE FARM!"
Oh shit, oops. I kinda feel bad. Sharron is divorcing randy cus of me. Oh well, at least I can have him all to myself now.
I hear the door open and I quickly run so nobody thinks I was ease-dropping (even though I was.)
Sharron storms out and randy is crying. I pretend I was just coming from idk, somewhere.
"Randy, what's wrong?"
"S-sharron and I are getting a divorrrrrrce *sniff sniff*"
I hug him and pretend to care even though I don't. I mean, I care that he's sad, but I don't care that he's getting a divorce. You know?
"It's okay, you don't need her. We have everything you and I could ever want."
Randy sniffles and kisses me. "You're right."
One day, as we were making out on my massive desk (again) this motherfucking, annoying bitch breaks into my window.
"Hey guys you already know who I am."
"Get the fuck out. Why do you always come in whenever we're making love or some angsty shit is happening?"
"I actually don't know. Anyways I just wanted to let you all know that I'm moving the animals because there's only one tree left standing."
"Guess what? No one cares," says randy.
"Yeah I know. So thanks for destroying the forest."
"You know what? You can just shut your moustache," I snap. "Our conscience is clear. We have done nothing illegal, we have our rights, and we intend to keep on biggering, and biggering, and turning more truffula trees into thweeds!" Now this motherfucker is almost gonna fall out the window. "And nothing is going to stop us!"
Then, all of the sudden, the three of us hear a loud WHACK. That was the sound of the last truffula tree being cut down.
"Oh shit," says randy.
"Oops," I say.
"Well, there goes the last one," says the Lorax.
Then like 30 minutes later, everyone leaves. Including my ugly family and the animals. And all that's left is me, randy and the Lorax.
"Bye losers you two suck."
Then the Lorax lifts his ass and flies away.
"We suck," we both say at the same time. And you know what we did next? We fucked! Hahahaha so funny am I right?
"What the fuck did I just listen to?" Says Ted.
"The story of how we killed all the truffula trees,"says old randy.
"I don't remember any of this from the Lorax."
"Because this whole story has been cut from both the book and the movie," I say, "now go plant seed."
"Ykw? Fuck this, i don't care about trees anymore. Fuck Audrey and fuck the trees," says Ted before he leaves.
"Well that was a totally unexpected ending," says randy.
"For real."
A/n: this story kinda blew up for some reason. Idk what to say except thank you for reading whatever this is. Idk if I'll continue with this fanfic or I'm gonna leave it cus I lowkey enjoyed writing this. Maybe I might write some oneshots of them idk. Again, thanks for reading :)
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Randy marsh x the onceler
FanfictionThis fanfic is satire which is why it's written poorly One day, randy marsh decides to upgrade his weed business by finding more types of weed to sell. He goes to the truffula forest and he meets the onceler, a tall, handsome young man. They start o...
