Forged Bonds (BxB)

CHAPTER 19

"Why are you upset?" Were the first words Jeovanni uttered to me when he got into my room.

Apparently we climbed each other's windows without letting the other know now. We should probably work on that, but I appreciated the surprise too much to say anything right now.

"I'm not upset" I lied.

Of course I was. Kaden's text had really gotten in my head. It wasn't his fault. He had just reminded me about things I wanted to forget. He had dug memories I wished that evaporated along with me. Memories of decisions I made that I wished to unmake. My lack of control over who I was and what I did agonized me. And that was all brought back with just one text.

"Hm" He clearly didn't believe me. His gaze got lost at one point of my wall when he noticed something different "You decorated your room"

I turned around and glanced at the place he was looking at. I had printed the artwork that was presented to me on the writing workshop and decided to tape it on my wall. Jeovanni had told me my room should look more like me. I didn't know what that meant, but after the day I wrote that poem, that was the best I could come up with. A picture of a painting of a tiny man inside a bottle floating on the ocean. Man overboard of saudade. Representing probably the first time I treasured a broken part of me.

"It's just a picture"

"No" He shook his head, approaching the painting as if he was approaching a masterpiece in a museum "Why did you pick that?"

"Mallory took me to a writing workshop and we had to write something based on that drawing" I shrugged as if it was no big deal. I didn't want him to think that it was. But it was likely that he already did since it was significant enough for me to put it on my wall.

"It's awesome"

"It's a small man in a bottle"

"It's more than that"

"How so?" I crossed my arms.

"It's more to you than a man in a bottle" He argued, glancing back at me "For a reason that belongs to only you"

"It's not that deep" I muttered after a second, looking down in embarrassment.

"Okay" He conceded, sparing me from keeping up with that conversation. Instead, he walked until he was in front of me. I tried to keep a blank expression as he simply kept his eyes on mine "Can I kiss you?" He interrupted the silence.

I was stuck with no answer after his question. Most of the times, despite wanting to, I didn't feel like I deserved kissing Jeovanni. It seemed unfair that I kissed a man after giving hell to the guys who did the same back at my home town. I was able to block those thoughts and give in, but not now. Not after my cousin's text.

"I'll take that as a no" He said, taking a step back.

It should be a no. I didn't deserve Jeovanni because he was too good for me. And he didn't deserve me because I was too bad for him. We didn't fit. It was bound to go downhill. I had forged relationships with people in this town as if I was worthy of a fresh start. But it was never my intention to get one of those.

So it should be a no. It should be a no, it should be a no, I kept repeating in my head as I glanced at Jeovanni. I could tell he was also stuck with no answer. It should be a no, but I wanted his lips on mine. It should be a no, but Jeovanni also wanted my lips on his. It should be a no, but I was too fucking selfish. It should be a no, but I grabbed his shoulder and pressed our lips against each other's.

I barely gave Jeovanni time to react before walking him backwards until he was laid down on my bed with me on top of him, my thighs at his sides. I placed my hands on his chest as he held the side of my face with one of his hands, while the other was on my lower back.