Forged Bonds (BxB)

CHAPTER 36

It was past midnight when I came back to the country house.

It was already the next year when I walked into the kitchen and saw Jeovanni sitting by the balcony, his arm on its surface, his head resting on top of it, while he scrolled through his phone with his other hand. My heart ached at the sight of him, but I kept a blank expression anyway.

He picked his head up from the balcony when he heard the door open, locking his phone and putting it over the marble. His eyes met mine, and we just looked at each other for a second. Because none of us knew what to say.

"Where were you?" He was the first one to speak.

"I don't know" I pulled a stool from under the counter and sat down "I just wandered around the town"

"We tried calling you" He said "And texting"

"My phone died" I lied.

Jeovanni nodded, even though it was clear he didn't believe me. He then stood up and went around the balcony, standing in front of me. I looked up at him, and even with the little light, I noticed his eyes were red and puffy. I gulped and clenched my jaw, looking away.

"Are we back to where we started, then?" He asked.

I pursed my lips, feeling a sudden urge to cry. Back to where we started. The memories came to my mind. How I felt pissed off when he talked to me at his porch, how he provoked me about Nietzsche, his annoying jokes about me burning down his porch, the night we got high together, and the bittersweet feelings that came with every interaction we had.

"Okay" He muttered, and it was noticeable the disappointment in his voice.

Jeovanni turned around and began to walk away. Out of impulse, I grabbed his wrist before he could go too far. My grip on him was tight, because I didn't want to let him go. He turned to me again, but I still didn't find it in me to meet his gaze.

"I didn't want to make you cry" I whispered.

He didn't reply me, and I also didn't say anything else. So we were immersed in silence once more.

"Are we back to where we started?" His voice cracked as he repeated his question.

I shook my head, feeling the tears fall from my eyes. No, we weren't back to where we started. But I was. And that would eventually affect us.

"I felt really bad..." My voice was hoarse even with all my efforts of keeping it together "I felt really bad about what that guy said"

"I know" I saw him nod out of the corner of my eyes.

"I was... I was the one who used to..." I wasn't capable of finishing my sentence.

"I know" He whispered "But you can't keep doing this, Jack. You lose control. One day you'll end up killing someone, and you'll feel really bad about that too"

I nodded. I was feeling so many things right now, it was hard to tell them apart. And it was hard naming them. I spent hours out, having the time to think about what I felt, but it didn't work. My mind was too foggy and too intense, and I even had a headache because of it. All I could do in those hours out was calm down and not feel so explosive anymore. I never knew I could do that.

"I'm sorry" I told Jeovanni.

"I know that too" He said in a low voice.

I finally looked at him, and realized both of us were crying. I knew it. I knew I was going to hurt him just like I did to everybody else. But him; he was the one I most wanted to keep sheltered from myself. And he was the one I most failed with.