Paint you Wings (Destiel)

Chapter 5

After that certain day Castiel wanted to hear more about Dean's past, wanted to get to know his now best friend better. But he knew that it wouldn't have any use to put pressure on the blonde boy, would just make the other feel awkward and turn away from Cas. And so he waited, waited until Dean would be ready to tell another part of his story. He didn't care about how long that would take, he promised himself that he would be patient enough for Dean to be ready.

Of course Dean noticed the interest that Castiel was showing on hearing more stories but he wasn't ready, at least not yet. The reason why he had told the black haired in the first place was to see whether Cas would leave or not. Now he wasn't sure if he was able to tell the next part of the story, it was different from the first. It was a lot sadder, a lot different.

And he just didn't feel ready to tell anyone about that part, because he was scared. Scared that Castiel would leave him then, grossed out by his past. Scared to be reminded of all those bad things happening, scared of reliving every moment of his father abusing him, him taking the hits for his brother. Just being reminded of anything that had something to do with his past.

Of course, there had been a few memories that weren't as dark as the ones he had made all the other times but they were just scattered throughout his whole youth. It was just like Dumbledore said in the Harry Potter books – Light can be found, even in the darkest of times.

Those lighter times were the days he could spend at his Uncle Bobby's house, just being a kid. It had been the times he stayed at the Road House, trying to lecture Jo, helping Ellen out whenever she needed some help. It had been the times whenever he could teach Sam something, could make his younger brother happy.

But ever since he started to be friends with Cas those lighter memories seemed to become more and more with every day they spent together. Castiel Novak was like a torch that made Dean's dark world and mind a bit lighter, kept on making the blonde's world from going dark again.

The thing that amazed Dean the most though? It actually worked. He had less self destructive thoughts with every day, was able to lock his blades away which he was totally proud of. Instead of hurting himself, risking to even kill himself, he went to Cas. Cas didn't ask any question whenever Dean stood in his door frame, tears streaming down his face, and just let him inside his room, hugged him, told him everything would be alright in the end. For the first time in his life Dean believed those words, believed that they were true and someday he would be able to smile genuinely again.

~#~

"Hey, Dean?" Cas asked, grinning widely at the sleepy boy whose head was laying on his lap. They had watched a movie and Dean had dozed off, sleeping half way through the movie. Cas knew the other wouldn't be too happy about that but he understood why the blonde had been sleeping. He himself was tired right now but Dean was worse.

It was all because of another panic attack the evening before. They were just sitting in the living room together, playing some kind of card game and Cas was eating while he did so, worried because Dean wouldn't eat anything he had brought him. They didn't notice that other kids were coming to the living room over all their bickering and teasing and as they did notice, Dean started to panic, ran as soon as his eyes locked on the door out. Cas had followed him quickly, calmed him down, held him. Even though he tried to stay awake he dozed off at around midnight, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts. Obviously he felt bad for not being able to be there for Dean in one of those dark hours but Dean just shrugged it off, told him that it was alright, that he didn't expect the other to stay awake all night anyways.