the storm is at its peak again
it's the worst its ever been
and yet i saw it coming this time
this is nothing new in a sense
sometimes i feel like
my life has grown bigger
than i can easily control on my own
that the things i do are bigger
than myself in the moment
that everyone sees something else
that i am not a true, live human being
but a power i don't understand
that's how i was raised
with the thought that
i've never understood what i was
and the only time i ever felt happy
was when i was in control
i'm watching the trees turn back to green
and longing for the beach we
spent last summer on
the pancakes and sea salt
and the rainforest cafe
the smell of coffee in the morning
and the late night running through
the water fountains
and now it seems as if
i've gotten what i wanted
i'm going away for the summer
but that means no coffee mornings
with my family
that means no movie nights
on the town
exploring the alleyways
and dying our hair
no cheap swimming pools
and being eaten alive by mosquitoes
and the worst of it all
there's no him
