Life After Z

Chapter 37 - Cooper

I felt sick to my stomach. And in a way that was completely separate from the dull throbbing pain radiating out from my bullet wound. It was impossible not to compare Jen and Ivy in a situation like this. Jen was being callous and entitled when she should be nothing but grateful and gracious. Meanwhile, Ivy was caring and respectful when she had every right to be angry and resentful.

I had known within minutes of meeting Jen that she wasn't the maternal type but I had reasoned that it was okay because no one in their right mind would ever start a family in a zombie apocalypse. But over the last year and a half, I have grown to love Sebbie like my own son. I would do anything for him. Which was a large reason why I had sacrificed Ivy. I hadn't just done it for us. Mostly I had done it for Sebbie.

Knowing that I would and have betrayed everything I believe in for that little boy while being with someone who couldn't stand him and who put him in danger was not sitting well with me. I couldn't take my eyes off Ivy as she seamlessly comforted Sebbie as if it were second nature to her. Conversely, Jen was visibly pouting after I put her in her place earlier.

I knew that I didn't have a chance with Ivy. Not only had I proved to be completely unworthy of her trust and affection, but I could also see just how much both Lucas and Everett cared about her. They both watched her with an intensity that spoke to deep devotion, love, and fear. It was the fear that told me it was more than a passing attraction for both of them. They were terrified that she was going to rip their hearts out. That would only be the case if she already had their love.

Lucas might seem light-hearted and easygoing on the outside, but he had extremely high standards and didn't let many people in. Case in point, he never warmed to Jen, even when she was more affable and we endured long lonely nights on the road. Everett and I didn't have Lucas' strong convictions. Hence why we both had no qualms about sating our needs with Jen even though we both know perfectly well who and what she is.

Everett on the other hand is just too bullheaded to not go after what he wants. And I don't think he has ever wanted someone more than he wants Ivy. Something must have happened between them because the intensity of his near obsession with her has changed. It's like it has an edge to it now.

So while I personally think Lucas would be a better fit for Ivy, I can't see Everett stepping to the side to let that happen. Meaning that I have zero chance to explore the feelings of admiration and affection that I have for the woman. Which was okay. It is the least I deserve. If Ivy lets us stay, my penance for betraying her will be to watch day in and day out as someone other than me makes her happy.

But even though I can't be with Ivy, I can't be with Jen anymore either. I am not going to be that person who is with someone they don't respect. I have been sleeping with Jen for over a year now and I can't even muster up one good thing to say or feel about her. That is not okay and the sex isn't worth the self-loathing I am feeling right now.

"Ivy, breakfast was just amazing. Thank you again for letting us stay here and sharing all of this amazing fresh food with us," Jen announced to the room in a sugary sweet voice that put my teeth on edge. I know I told her to show some gratitude but I hate knowing it is fake. It feels like we are being dishonest with Ivy.

"Your welcome," Ivy replied and I could tell she was taking Jen at face value.

"What needs to be done today? We can make a plan on the best way to accomplish everything," Jen continued and I had to clench my jaw to stop myself from snapping at her. Ivy took a moment to look at all of us, clearly deciding if she was really going to let us help her.

"Please, Ivy. We don't just want to sit around watching you do all of the work. Let us help," I encouraged and prayed that my offer of assistance sounded more genuine than Jen's.

"Okay," Ivy reluctantly said and for some reason, I felt like this was a step in the right direction. Ivy was fully able to do everything herself and fiercely independent. Letting us do something, even small little chores, was a big concession for her. "We need to gather the eggs and milk the goat. There are fruits and veggies in the garden to pick and some light weeding to do. This afternoon I was going to pickle and jar the cucumbers and peppers before they go bad. I also need to clean up the space outside that Rio and Milo use, check the chlorine levels in the pool, and I imagine you guys would like to do some loads of laundry."

"There is a pool?" Sebbie asked excitedly, looking up at Ivy like she hung the moon.

"Yeah. The pool and hot tubs are fed by natural hot springs and once I got them clean because a couple of the dead had fallen in, they are relatively low maintenance. Just need to check the chemicals every couple of days. I prefer to swim over running and usually swim about a mile a day."

"I didn't see a pool," Everett was quick to point out at the same time that Jen said, "Is that where the showers are? I haven't had a hot shower in ages."

"Umm yes," Ivy responded, answering Jen first. "There are a full set of showers in both the women's and men's changing rooms. There is even a steam room and sauna if you want to get them up and running. I haven't bothered with them. The water comes directly from the hot springs so we don't have to use power to heat it, so feel free to take as long of showers as you want. The pool and changing rooms are on the first floor. As a safety precaution against the dead, I knocked out all of the stairs and barricaded the doors to the pool area. The only way in is through a hatch I cut in the floor of one of the offices. There is a retractable ladder that I use."

Jesus, the more that I learn about this place the more impressed I get. She really has thought of everything and put in the work to do things right.

"Which office?" Jen asked eagerly, standing from her seat as if she was going to run off to the showers at this second.

"We can shower after getting the chores done. Plus, Ivy hasn't had breakfast yet," I said and gave Jen a hard look. She hesitated for a moment before lowering back into her seat. Lucas got up and fixed Ivy a plate of eggs and fruit.

"Do you need any supplies?" Everett asked as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, bringing his face closer to Ivy's. "I'm going to make a run to our truck and can grab anything you may need while I am out."

Sebbie scooted out of Ivy's lap, jumping in anticipation over the pool and Ivy shared a knowing smile with Everett. Yup, something definitely happened there. "That is a question for you to answer. I have all I need but you guys probably need some stuff I don't have here. Maybe some pool toys for Sebbie. Do you guys have swimsuits?"

"Stuff we might need... Darlin', does that mean you are going to let us stay?" Everett asked, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. This was it. This was the answer we have all been worrying sick over.

"For now. I reserve the right to change my mind later but as of right now, you are welcome to stay," Ivy said and Sebbie let out a squeal of joy that matched how I was feeling. Ivy wasn't kicking us out. We had a chance to make this work. Everett looked like the cat who got the cream and Jen looked relieved. What surprised me was Lucas. He didn't look happy. Instead, he looked damn near heartbroken.

What in the world could that be about?