Life After Z

Chapter 38 - Lucas

Everyone jumped into motion after Ivy agreed to let us stay here. But the problem was that she didn't say that we could stay here. Rather she said that we could stay here for now. Meaning that she could and most likely would change her mind down the road and rip all of this away from us. I would be okay to play this game and gamble my happiness but I wasn't okay with doing the same with Sebbie's.

Ivy was showing all of us the trap door she installed in the floor of one of the offices within the gym that dropped down to the pool. She had a collapsible ladder that she dropped down and one by one everyone climbed down to explore this undiscovered part of her sanctuary. I let everyone, including Sebbie, go down first and when it was just Ivy and me left, I pulled her away from the opening so that we could talk in private.

"Listen, Ivy. The very last thing I want to do is sound ungrateful or push you for something that you are not willing to give, but I am first and foremost a father. I have to put Sebbie's needs above absolutely everything," I told her and she furrowed her brow as if she was trying to figure out where I was going with this conversation. There would be no easy way to say this, no easing into it. I was just going to have to come out and say it.

"Sebbie absolutely loves it here and he has taken to you better than pretty much anyone else in his life. He already loves you. He was devastated yesterday when you walked away upset and he didn't see you for the rest of the day."

"Lucas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean -," Ivy started to say but I cut her off with a gentle voice.

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about and I swear I didn't bring that up to make you feel bad. I am telling you this so that you can understand my dilemma. Kids need stability in their lives and that has been nearly impossible for me to provide that since Z-day. The truck has a lot of drawbacks, but for the last year it has been a constant in Sebbie's life."

"Are you saying that you would rather leave and be in the truck than stay here because it is what Sebbie knows?" Ivy questioned and I could hear the disbelief in her voice. We had all been pushing her to stay, and now I was confusing things. I wasn't saying what I needed to say clearly enough.

"I am saying that it would break my son's heart if he were to call this place home and grow closer to you only have you change your mind and revoke our welcome sometime in the future. We pressured you into this decision. From Jen guilt tripping you to bringing us here to patch Coop up, to each conversation you have had with us where we did our best to convince you to let us stay. I guess I am afraid that because you made the decision to allow us to stay under these circumstances that you are going to change your mind. And for Sebbie that would be worse than just asking us to leave now."

Ivy held my gaze, searching for something as she asked, "Are you asking me for some sort of guarantee that I won't ever ask you to leave?"

"I-," I started but then stopped myself. I guess I was asking for a guarantee and that wasn't fair. There were no guarantees in life and that was doubly true now. I didn't want something fabricated or falsely optimistic from Ivy. I rubbed my forehead and tried to think about what I actually wanted here. What was I trying to accomplish?

"I guess what I am saying is that I want to be completely upfront with you. I want to tell you that Jen is a bitch who I very much doubt you will like being around. I want to tell you that Everett is stubborn to a fault and always thinks he is right to the point of driving people away. I want to tell you that Cooper never recovered from losing his brother and overcompensates in almost everything he does, meaning he takes risks that he shouldn't. I want to tell you that I will always put my son first, no matter how much I may want to make my or your needs a priority. I want to tell you exactly who each of us is so that you can make a decision based on all of the facts. Hopefully then, you won't change your mind, assuming you still ask us to stay."

Ivy looked a little shocked at my speech and I couldn't say I blamed her. She must think I am crazy. But this was the first conversation since those guys jumped us that felt genuine. I stepped closer to her and clasped her hand in mine. My heart leaped when she didn't pull away. "Ask me anything about us or about what we have done. I will tell you the truth. There is a lot of stuff that I would have rather not had to live through but I don't regret any of it because it kept my son alive and it eventually led us here. I believe in the future we can build here with you. I guess I am asking if you believe in it too."

Ivy took a moment to process my words and I admired the fact that she wasn't blowing me off and was really thinking about what I was asking her. "And if I believe that we could build something pretty special here, you and Sebbie will stay?" Ivy asked while still holding my hand.

"Yes," I vowed and waited with bated breath. This was it. This was the real answer that I had been waiting for. Ivy took a deep breath before closing the remaining distance between us and reaching up to cup my cheek in one hand while still holding mine in her other. She then leaned up and gently pressed her lips to mine for a brief second. Even though it was a chaste kiss, my entire stomach exploded with butterflies and I felt like my heart was about to beat right out of my chest.

"I believe that having you here will change my life and I have decided to take the risk that change will be for the better instead of for the worse. I can promise you that I did not make this decision lightly and a large part of my decision to let you stay is because of Sebbie. I feel the need to put his needs first too. You will just have to trust that won't change no matter what ends up happening. I will continue to act in his best interest because your son is important to me. As for if I believe in the future that we can build here, I don't really think that belief has much to do with it. If we want to make that future happen, we have to show up and work for it day in and day out. I am willing to put in the work but I can't do this alone. We can't do this alone either. It will take all of us to make this work," Ivy said and then stepped back out of my personal space. I instantly missed the feeling of her against me.

"Yeah. I can do that. I can put in the work. I want to put in the work," I babbled, not even really sure what I was saying anymore.

"Then I don't see any reason why I would have to ask you to leave. Sebbie is safe with me. I hope you know that." And I did know that. That fact was what was making me lose my damn mind over Ivy. She was the complete package and she wanted to be a part of my son's life. I had never had that. Never had something that could go the distance. But after that simple kiss, I was picturing us old and wrinkled in rocking chairs holding hands as we watched the post-zombie apocalypse world pass us by.