Matilda: A Harry Styles Fanfic

what are we?

Anxiety has been following my every move all day long. I can't deal with this. I need to know the answer. I can't keep overthinking this. Last night I got barely an hour of sleep due to my mind being swarmed with these thoughts.

I need an honest answer. I won't be mad either way. Although one outcome would be significantly worse than the other. Oh god. I'm so nervous. What if this doesn't work out in my favor? Nothing else does, so why should this?

You might be wondering what the hell I'm freaking out about. The answer to your question is that I'm freaking out about not knowing what Harry and I are. Not putting a label on our relationship might make us slip away from each other. And I definitely don't want that. Harry's the best thing to ever happen to me. I can't lose him.

That's how I got in my current position. Standing in front of his house, my knuckle lined up with the door, ready to knock. But I can't bring myself to. I've been procrastinating asking this very question for weeks now. I'm terrified to get an answer.

Taking a deep breath, I gently knock three times. Muffled footsteps approach the door before it swings open, revealing a shirtless Harry. I can't bring myself to look him in the eyes, instead fixating my gaze on his nose. If I look into those beautiful green eyes, I'll break down. And I can't afford that at the moment. 

A warm smile takes over his features. "Hi! I didn't know you were coming over today!"

I nervously laugh and pick at a hangnail. "I didn't either."

"Come in!'' I step into the comforting house I'm beginning to know all too well. I immediately gravitate towards the living room, Harry trailing behind me. I sit down on the light green couch, picking at my nails. They're already bitten down to the point where there's nothing left to bite. I shouldn't be messing with my fingers, but I can't help it. It's been a constant nervous habit of mine for years. I was probably four when it started. A very young Matilda used to be bullied for her short nail length. I've since then grown used to the criticism.

My hands are quickly grabbed by Harry as he presses a kiss to both. "What's gotten my girl all nervous?''

My girl. Maybe this conversation won't be as dreadful as I'm expecting. I've never been an optimistic person. Preparing for the most realistic outcomes is much more my thing. That way if the worst case scenario was to happen, it would be expected. I wouldn't be disappointed. "Um, there's something I wanted to ask you."

"What is it?"

"You can't get mad."

"Nothing you say could ever make me mad, Matilda." He reassures. The way he's looking at me is unlike any expression I've seen on him before.

Deep breaths. Here goes nothing. "What are we?"

His thumb traces circles on my palm. "I'm afraid I'm not quite sure what you mean, love.''

"What are we? Are we dating? Are we friends with benefits? Are we just strangers who happen to be having sex? I don't know what we are, and it's consuming all of my thoughts. If you're not ready to put a label on it yet, then I'd respect that, but I'd like to hear you say something about what we are. I don't know how much longer I can sit by and pretend like I'm okay not knowing because it's making me really nervous. What if you decide to give up on me? I mean, I am just a failure who-''

"Shh, calm down, calm down. Everything's okay. You're not a failure. Just breathe." He rubs my back, pulling my body close to his. "There you go. See? Now you're calm and your breathing is back on track. You're such a good girl.''

"What- what are we?'' I stutter.

"If it's alright with you, I'd like to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Making things official with you is something out of my wildest dreams. To make that a reality would be an absolute honor. Matilda, would you do me the honor of being my girlfriend? Typical boyfriends think you're so easy, they take you for granted, they just misunderstand you. But I promise that I will do my best to be everything that you deserve and more."