My body has been aching from all the fucking me and Dre was doing. Tryna keep up with him and Kaleef has been hard. Eventually i have to choose one. When i was staying with Aaliyah He would tell me he's taking me to the gun range but we've been getting down and dirty in his Benz. Dre loved the fuck out of me since the age of 16 we started vibing I ain't fuck him until I was 17. I remember it like it was yesterday. Aaliyah and the kids went on a 2-week trip with her sister to Cancun. I never squirted before unti that night. He was the first man to touch me willingly and satisfied every need i had. This dike shawty that i me through my cousin Pierce, Shanae has been hitting me up. I wasn't tryna fuck today but I went to her house to study.
"Guess you don't wanna be nasty today," she said, kissing me. I moved past her sat down at the table and opened my laptop. I was tired of fucking her to get my college course completed. The strap-on wasn't doing it for me at all.
"Nah...hella tired."I yawned straightening up in the chair. She lived in a fancy mansion in the suburbs. Her parents spoiled her still at her grown age. Whatever car she wanted , they bought, if she wanted to go on endless vacations they would pay for it.
"Or you was fuckin Dre the day before..why you gotta lie?"
"I didn't know I had to tell you we're not together,"I said looking at her.
"You're right...so what do you gotta do ?"She asked me .
"An essay about systemic racism."I said.
"So you got the money?"She asked.
I pulled out $100 from my wallet and handed it to her. I couldn't wait until i graduated so i can stop paying this bitch and fucking with her. I didn't get why i had to fuck her and pay her to do my homework. The question was building up inside of me and eventually i was going to ask her.
I sat and watched while Shanae completed the essay .
"Do you ever think we can be more than this?"Shanae asked.
"Honestly Shanae, i just wanna be friends i don't wanna fuck anymore..I don't understand why i gotta pay you if i'm fucking "I said.
"That's cool with me.We don't gotta fuck but imma still need my $100."
" I'm sorry...it's just that I'm growing out of that.."
"You'd rather have a real dick than a strap on basically?"She asked.
"Yeah."I shrugged. She laughed and shook her head. She seemed hurt and i really didn't care. She knew what the agreement was and it didn't involve feelings.
"It's all good..well i gotta get ready for work. I'll see you next thursday."She smiled. I gathered my items and headed home. I called Dre to ask for a ride to my my mothers house. I spent too much time at Lashae's and it was time to figure something out.
"Hello?''Dre answered the phone irritated. I could hear stuff being thrown in the background . This goofy ass nigga was still fucking with her and i was realy feeling some type of way.
"What you mean you too tired to fuck? So you still fucking Nani? Is that her on the phone?"Aaliyah yelled in the background.
"Listen imma call you back this bitch going the fuck nuts."Dre said hanging up. I shook my head and felt tears form. I blocked his number and just continued walking to my mothers house. When i got there a black girl with long braids opened the front door.
"Can I help you?" She asked.
"Yes, I'm looking for my mother Frankie Flores?"I said.
"I'm her caregiver."She smiled, letting me in. The house was clean and Timmy was playing video games. My Aunt Violet was sitting at the kitchen table. My Aunt Violet was is the strongest woman i know. She lost two sons to gun violence, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and breast cancer and beat both. She could play pool better than anyone's drunk uncle and she was a sweetheart.She was always coming to my mother's rescue. Frankie Flores was the complete opposite of her sister. She was weak when she was young and loose. Often hung out in bars and had men coming in and out of the house everynight after my father died. She dropped out of college after having me and i never knew her to be kind or even smile until i was raped. When i was raped her whole demenaor changed and then she became sick.
"Nani!"She smiled and hugged me.
"Hey Aunt Violet, where's mama?"I asked her.
"She's in bed ..today ain't a good day for her."She said.
"Jania..?"My mother called from her room.
"Yeah ma , I'm here ."I said walking to her room. She was in bed and had monitors hooked up to her . I gave her a hug and sat down in a chair next to her bed.
"What's going on baby? I missed you."She said, blowing her nose.
"I got kicked out of Aaliyah's because i was messing around with Dre..Thats why we were fighting that day..I can't stay with Lashae..Can i crash here?."
"Well you can stay here just give me $200 at least a month and clean up after yourself.ya hear?"She said.
"Yeah mom."I said
"I love you Jania..i always did and i am sorry for how things have been."She said.
"Mom, I forgive you," I uttered with a mixture of emotions, my voice carrying a weight of both understanding and love. "I love you too," I added softly before walking out, allowing the unspoken sentiments to linger in the air. The complex relationship with my mother was something I grappled with, yet in that moment, forgiveness and love became the bridge between our differences.
Stepping into the other bedroom, I set my belongings down and flicked the TV on, seeking a temporary escape from the emotional intensity. With a sense of solitude, I gazed at my phone, a flicker of hope lingering that a blocked number would illuminate the screen, signaling Dre's desperate attempt to reach out. However, the reality sunk in; he wasn't that desperate.The anticipation waned, leaving me to confront the solitude of the room and the unanswered questions lingering in the air.
