Imagines and more

What we left behind ♥️ Nat

Natasha was gone. At least, that's what you'd been told. She'd sacrificed herself; died to save everyone else. To bring back her family. If that was really the case, then who was at your front door?

**

The familiar sensation of a tear streaming down the side of your face breaks you from your thoughts as you stare up at the whirring blades of the fan. The wetness tickles your skin, but you couldn't quite find it in you to wipe it away.

It had been nearly six months now since you'd lost your girlfriend, and that same old numbness still remains. It sits heavily on your chest like a blanket, except, this blanket wasn't at all comforting. It was suffocating; restricting every single movement you make like a straight jacket.

The only thing you seem to know how to do anymore is cry, and even then they were pitiful tears, barely enough to warrant actual cries. It was almost as though you'd cried so much that all of your tears had simply run out. You'd all dried up.

Your eyes flicker almost subconsciously around the room. The only light came from a slit between the curtains at the window, the feeble brightness barely enough for you to make out anything other than the fine dust littering every surface. The sight of it brings you back to the last time you'd cleaned. It was over five months ago low, the day Natasha was supposed to come home.

Through the blip, neither you or Natasha had managed to find it in you to really keep your shared apartment tidy. You didn't see the point, and Natasha just simply didn't have the time. She was too busy with being team leader to what was left of the avengers.

But that had all changed when the plan of her going to vormir with Clint was put into action. She'd bring Yelena back with her, her mom and dad, and you'd share the first dinner in over five years with your girlfriend and family.

But then Clint had arrived back alone with the soul stone in hand, and a deep sense of unease had held you rigid until he'd shaken his head telling you she wasn't coming back. That was when your whole world had fallen apart right in front of you.

You remember not being able to breath. You remember crying so hard you had physically made yourself sick. You remember the arms that had tried to wrap around you, and you remembered pushing them away in disgust. They weren't Natasha's arms. They weren't allowed to touch you.

You remember leaving the compound and making your way back home to the empty, clean apartment you'd spent so long making perfect for her.

You remember the feeling of dread that had settled unceremoniously into your stomach. It remains there to this day as a constant reminder of what you'd lost. You remember everything about that day so vividly you want to erase it from your mind forever.

But you couldn't.

Natasha was gone. She'd made her choice, and now you had to find a way to live with it no matter how badly it hurt to try.

*

And try you did. You woke up everyday despite never wanting to be conscious again. You went to work and pretended like seeing everyone was a blessing when in actual fact they brought you pain. You even managed to befriend Yelena, one of the hardest things you'd ever had to do.

She was a constant reminder of Natasha, and it was hard to differentiate the two in your deep stage of grief. You were sure you weren't easy to be around for her either, but together you somehow managed to level one another out. It wasn't perfect, and most days you fought like cats and dogs, but you were all each other had so you'd learnt to make it work.