Mermaid's Cove

8

Youin

I'm alone again. Her scent lingers. I glance down at myself. Look what's she's done to me. I rest against the curse.

You make me do too much.

I demand a lot of her. Of course I do. But to abandon herself to death, knowing she will incur my wrath, hoping to die before I can escape? Isn't it too much! Don't I love her enough? Perhaps I don't.

I was never enough. Ironically. She has needed to change me to satisfy herself. Never content as I am. And yet...I understand. The cruelty of the gods is not understandable for a mortal. It's why unions of this nature can never work.

You make me do too much.

I was asking too much? Asking her to deny her nature as a human and love only me, look at only me. But...does she not ask me to do the same? To deny my nature?

I had her in my hands. So my love is suffocating. I admit it. But I gave her the power to breath under water. Does she think I enjoy punishing her? I don't. But if I don't remind her...she'll disappear.

She'll be back won't she? She can't resist me for too long. Perhaps I am the sort of evil creature she claims—nevertheless she is mine. And she loves me. And I have been cruel since the day we met.

So she has a child she loves. She always had a soft spot for children. I can accept it if she doesn't disappear. I'm wracking my knowledge, thinking of way. There always is. The truth is, the existence of demigods, turned immortals is shaky. Gods are immortal and immune from death, unless it is dealt by the balance itself. If a god is killed, and the balance deems the God still has a use, he'll just be rejected from the void, and brought back into existence. They will, however, lose all memories and any alterations to their form.

But demigods...they're resilient. A simple stabbing won't do. Poison. But if you wear them down enough, or a god slays them, or a relic from a god—

Slade. She'll go to Slade. Any of his weapons could kill her even if she wields them, because they're his. Whatever god turns a demigod, their powers cannot be used to truly end them—not really.

But another god—another gods and especially the god of war who's weapons are forged and blessed to be the most deadly? She could succeed with that. I need to get out of here. I need to stop her.

What is the use of a world without her? Why should anyone continue on if she is not there? It is why I made her immortal. I need her. I require her existence. I will drown this entire balance forsaken planet if I must. No matter what happens to me. Not that it's likely anything would.

After all...the balance is always silent.

So am I not right? Am I not flawless? Am I not sinless? No...

No my cruelty is for a reason. Everything about me serves a divine purpose. I have come about for a reason: I am the god of water. I keep this universe going. And cruelty is necessary.

How could I persist? How could I do what needs doing if I wept at every death? If I feel apart at every being that ceased to be? If I were attached to every soul? I could not. That is why my cruelty is necessary. Weakness would be worse still for every being alive.

I am sinless the way I am. No, I have one sin. One sin I have committed against the balance, against my own nature.

It's her.

Moria. She's my blemish, my flaw.

She makes my unbiased cruelty null and void. I am meant to be impartial but I'm not. I am partial to her. She is more important to me than anything and anyone else.

But isn't she callous too? Her soft brown skin. That wild, devious grin. Her flowing locs. She's so beautiful. I have kneeled to this woman. A god! I am a god and I have kneeled to this woman! I bend to her will, I let her change my mind.

She needs not even say the word—my Moria. I bend to her anyway. I have committed...horrors against the balance. All of these things I've done...I did it for her. To call her Mine.

And it wasn't enough.
Why isn't it enough?

Fuck...why do I have to have thoughts like this? Why not just revert back to my old self? It was easier. She would be happier. Maybe that's for the best...becoming that version of me again. And to do that...I just need to die.

It's not hard. I'll provoke Orion, let him send me back to the void for a bit. Oh...I am beginning, once again to yearn for the peace of nonexistence. It's too much. Emotions. Feeling. Loving. Caring for people.

I don't have in me.

So I close my eyes. Tomorrow, I'll formulate my escape. I'll track her down, and die and front of...them. She won't have to do something as useless as disappearing. Even if we aren't together...even I lose myself, I think some part of my soul will find peace knowing she exists.

Yes...

That is what I will do. And with that, I close my eyes and bide my time, in the silence once more.