Mermaid's Cove

15

Moria

I'm thinking about my mother. She's long dead now, of course. I loved her, I loved my mother but I never wanted to be like her. I used to watch her eyes longingly gaze in the direction of the nearest port and feel ill.

I love my mother but I don't want to be like her, and yet somehow it feels like she lives inside me, curled up in a ball and sometimes she unfurls and crawls out of my mouth to spit acid.

Or worse. Youin looks down at me at the mess he's made of me in moderate disinterest. I feel like her right now. Feel like I'm in her skin. Why do I keep coming back to him?

I feel pitiful. I look away, and just sit there for a minute. It's a month. Maybe I'll convince him to let me go in that time. Maybe I'll convince myself to let him go. I'll work hard and teach Calder the best I can.

"You seem...sad," he says softly.

I stand and leave him. He remains in the dining room as I stalk to the bedroom. Expecting him to be normal was my first mistake. When I open the door he's there. I roll my eyes as he glanced up at me.

"What's wrong?" He asks, standing.

"This fucking back and forth—"

He cocks his head and floats toward me, cupping me cheek. "Why are you distressed? You want to talk to me, hm? Tell me. Go sit."

I heave a sigh. "Your mood swings are unfuckingbearable Youin," I scoff but sit on the bed.

He waved his hand nonchalantly, staring out the window. "That's what void magic does, it seems. I cannot do anything about it right now. Bear with me. I'm trying to fix it."

Hm...well. I clench my jaw and clear my throat. "Try fucking harder."

He just chuckles. "My, my Captain. You're beginning to sound like yourself again. I'm glad."

He grates in my nerves so much, undoing 10 years of painstaking effort. He turns around and stares at me from across the room.

"I thought about you. Every moment. It would've been worse otherwise, the fracturing."

I heave a sigh and lean back on my hands. "What happened to you?"

He turns back around, and holds his hands behind his back his shoulders square. "I don't even know. The void is...the closest gods get to death. Within the void you are reformed and cleansed. Brought back to your original state. All memories and other forms are erased."

He clenched his jaw. I watch it tick. The air is heavy. He's angry.

"This...enchantment has the power of a void. Keeps you powerless. Cut off from divinity. And it seems to start breaking you down. Like a void would but slower. Taking memories. Taking forms. If I had stayed longer...I probably would've reverted to my first form."

I didn't know he had another form. "I want to see," I ask.

He chuckled. "It will do no good to return to it now. Now until I have everything stabilized."

I sigh, but oblige. I would be upset but he's so different when he flips. Like two different people.

"Moira, my love," he murmurs, walking toward me, lifting my face to meet his lavender eyes. "It has all been made worth it to see you again."

I swallow and get on my knees, touching his shoulders. "Is it so?"

He smiles softly and nods, stroking my cheek. "I wanted you to bear my child. I healed your womb for that very reason."

I frown. "Wait what?"

"So you needn't worry. I won't ever harm our boy. I wanted him. I needed him. You needed him. He came just in time too. You require me, you see. I have to keep feeding you my energy. Call it...maintenance. Things would've gotten bad for you if you'd gone all that time without me."

Ah...ever the angle. Always the loophole. That's Youin. Stacking the cards in his favor. Though he's lying I'm sure. I let him have it. He just wants to make sure I won't ever leave. Even though we both know he wouldn't let me anyway.

"Is that your round about way of saying thank you?" I ask.

He chuckled, his fingers stroking my throat gently, his eyes on my lips. "My captain. You miss him?"

I nod softly. "My heart aches being away from my little one."

He smiles.

"It doesn't upset you?"

He shakes his head. "No. He is part of me. I like...that you love him so. That he always known your love. I am comforted apart of me has been loved by you from its conception. The balance is no mother though it is the creator of all."

His brows knit. "But I am...so fragmented right now. There are parts of me fighting for control. But do not worry your mind my love. Mine. I will win."

I frown but don't question him further.

"He looks like you."

I scoff. "No he doesn't. I basically just copied you and birthed him out."

Youin chuckles. "No you see. It's in the eyes. And the way he talks all callous and irreverent oh, it's just like you."

My cheeks heat. "That's honestly kinda insulting what the hell—"

Youin just grins. "Honestly I never cared much for children but he was so...tiny. It was almost...cute. Is that it? Is that the word? Just a little...bitty thing."

Youin pauses and looks back at me. "I like him."

Great. Wonderful.

"He was smaller once." I offer.

Youin's eyes widen. "Even smaller?! My! I forgot yes! An infant. He was once an infant wasn't he? Oh..." Youin holds out his hand. "This size?"

I nod. "About. Maybe a little bigger."

Youin stared at his hand. "I...wish I had seen that. I've always tried not to directly touch anything that small. It's hard to correct your strength when things are so fragile. But I would've at least liked to have seen it."

I didn't think he'd care. He slips into bed next to me, as we let there a minute, before he reaches over, slipping his hand between my spread legs, his palm resting on my ass as he moves me onto his chest, resting his head on mine. My mouth goes dry. I expect him to initiate something sexual but he doesn't.

"You know I love you," he murmurs instead. "No matter what I may say, during this time, Moria. I love you and my son."