My Dominant, My Savior (BDSM) Book 2

Chapter 12

A few weeks has passed since the failed session, part of me wanted to hide away from David out of embarrassment, and the other part of me felt sad. I really wanted to feel what it meant to experience what he had done to other women, but instead, I allowed my nerves to get the best of me. When I expected him to be upset, I was met with patience and an understanding tone.

The love this man had for me was something I don't think I could ever comprehend, it felt right for all the wrong reasons and the reverse seemed to make less sense to me entirely. In moments I wanted to give up on everything, David was there to pick me up and gave me the strength to keep fighting another day. He was a man who I wished had picked me up the night I ran away from home, Instead of Kyle.

Perhaps my life would have been different if he was my true knight in shining armor vs Kyle who had only pretended to save me for his own use and greed. I became a lesser form of everything I had already been through, yet I couldn't escape him. It's like he could smell the moment I was about to fight back against him, the moment I had finally said enough was enough.

But in those moments, he had repeated every single thought I took months, even years to say to him, just in spite to show me that nothing was original to me; that I was predictable in every single way. It was a hurt that may take years, even eons to heal from, but I was ready to do it for myself and for David. I know as women we preach so much about never changing for a man, but something about him was different than the others. The love and care he had for me was something I felt in my soul, a rarity among even blood diamonds.

It was worth so much more than I could ever offer to him, though he would disagree with me wholeheartedly about everything I'm thinking right now.

Even when I lie against his skin, I feel a peace that I haven't felt since my father and brother lived with me and the woman who gave birth to me. For my whole life I assumed that I would be alone forever, never feeling that peace and love again, until now. I pray every day that this love doesn't leave me because I would lose everything that I wanted, more so needed. Despite having my best friend to lean on when I need her to, I had no one. Even though she's busy with her first genuine relationship with my stepbrother, though that has me at a loss itself, but as long as she's happy so am I.

We both deserved love and peace, neither of us has had a safe space from the trauma we've endured over these years. I just want the best for her, and that seems to be him. But one thing bothered me a bit. A part of me still was curious about the mystery woman Quintin had mentioned to me during that one discussion we had so long ago, I honestly wanted to find her and figure out what went wrong, maybe it was his drinking habits?

Honestly, why am I even thinking of him right now? I have someone who would never scare me the way he did the night he got drunk and wouldn't put his glass down to even speak to me. properly. He knew loud sounds startled me and how hard it was to calm myself, especially when they happen while I sleep. But that didn't stop me from sleeping with him...

"Am I a terrible person?"

"Where did that come from?"

"I'm sorry, I must be thinking out loud."

"You don't have to apologize, just tell me what's on your mind. Maybe I can help soothe those thoughts."

"I just- I don't know what's happening in my life. Things have been coming together like I wanted them to, yet a part of me feels like it's still falling apart. Like, I'm still being sucked into a black hole. I'm happy, especially with you. But it's a hallowing feeling to be stuck with."

"You've been through a lot and fought hard to be where you are now. You're allowed to make mistakes because for once, these are decisions your making by yourself without the influence of anyone else. No one who genuinely cares about you holds these choices over your head, so neither should you. Your life isn't a punishment, so live and enjoy it."

His words filled me with so much emotion. Like he knows just what to say to make my heart race and fall for him even more. All I wanted was to be in his loving arms forever and never experience the horrors of the world ever again.

"You're the perfect man. I can't understand why you aren't married now. I apologize if that comes off as insensitive. But, everything about you is what women desire."

"Sadly, all the women I run into want one of three things from me; access to my money, access to experiencing the lifestyle, or access to connections that I have from business. Given, I've met plenty of wonderful women, yet they never feel right for me."

His tone was somber and filled with relief. Like him finally saying this had taken a weight off his shoulders. Maybe I'll feel the same if I tell a part of my inner truth.

"That's sad to hear, though I understand, just the opposite. Men have looked at me and only wanted me because I had nothing. I was a project to probe, prod, and torment. Good enough for "fun" yet good enough to take seriously. Just clay in their hands to mold and then destroy once they're satisfied."

I've lived a sad and horrible life. No matter what, my guard has been up, and even now I struggle to let it down because I'm unsure how long this happiness will truly last.

Kyle is still out there looking for me, having other people look for me as well. Hiding my identity didn't work for long and he knows too many people for me to keep count of.

What am I supposed to do?

The last time I assumed everything was fine, he found me again. Before that he had someone find me the first night I arrived. I'll probably have to move to another city, maybe, even another country just to have a moment of relief until he appears again or has a connection that leads him to me.

"I'm just scared... What if he finds me again? I can't keep myself hidden and put you all in danger. It's been too many close calls, I just can't."

"Your concerns are valid, I could have a security detail blend in and follow you around to keep you safe. And Kyle, I'll pull some strings when it comes to him and my father's business agreements. Luckily, my father still prefers me over him. Let me see what I can do to help at least keep him out of the city for a while. I'm sure it's some overseas business that they could tend to."

"Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me. I'll give you anything you want, just name it."

"I just want you to be happy and live your life the way you want to. Stop thinking about me, stop thinking about everyone else but yourself. And until you start doing that, you'll always feel stuck in the same spot if you never give yourself a chance."

"Your right, I'll that. Do you think that the therapist would be able to talk to me tomorrow? It's just too much on my mind right now."

"She can do it virtually, but I'll be sure to double-check with her first so her schedule is open and you can talk to her as much as you need to. But for now, relax and don't worry yourself about anything."

It may be a stretch but I asked him the question that's been on my mind all day.

"Do you think we can do a scene tonight?"

His face was filled with confusion just for a second before shaking his head and smiling at me. A part of my heart sank a bit. How much longer would I have to wait before we can finally do this? A week? A month? My headspace can't be so bad that we have to push it back.

"It's still too early, maybe after seeing the therapist we can talk again and see where your head is at. After that, if everything is good, we can do it. Outside of that, what scene would you like to do? You can't go in blindly, Olivia."

"Your right, what's a good beginner scene for us to do?"

"Spanking is pretty standard."

"Then we'll start there"