Only you (Book 4)

Spiraling mind

Narrator POV

The rain stopped and eventually and Nora had an urge to drag herself out of the position she was sitting in. It was enough time to feel bad about the things that have happened which she told herself but that wasn't true.

The way she „handled" things weren't right from the very first moment she got hurt as a kid.
Ever since then all she did was trying to overcome it. Be sad about it for a moment and then suck it up as if nothing happened. But she's been doing that for years. It became a subconscious behavior that she couldn't shut down.

That „coping mechanism" is controlling her and not the other way around. It's a wonder that she can even cry about things now. There was a time where she wasn't able to. As if there were no tears left to cry but there was a whole dam waiting to be explode.

So she got up put the bullet she found in her pocket because she doesn't want her kids to find this when they are playing. Or maybe even Chestnut could swallow it by accident. Nora always thought she was the most clumsy being to exist but when she adopted Chestnut she realized that she embodies her completely.

Chestnut swallowed so many things that Nora doesn't even know how she is still alive. She try's to eat everything that comes between her teeth no matter if it's edible or not. Thinking back to those moments where Nora had to chase Chestnut through the house to stop her from eating stuff she shouldn't eat made her laugh to herself.

So many toys got lost from her kids and at some point she thought it can only be Chestnut who ate it or she buried it somewhere across the forest with her beloved bones.

As she walked in she saw a sweatshirt and shorts that didn't really look familiar with her wardrobe. It was laying there folded with other laundry and she started undress herself in the living room to change into dry clothes. Her hair was still soaking wet as if she just showered and they changed into curly hair instead of wavy.
She went to hang her wet clothes up and after she was done she got disrupted by her phone ringing.

„Lewis here halo?" she answered the call.

„Hey it's me Ruby. Your lawyer. I know we just met in the hospital weeks ago but the police is really trying to get to you. Would it be able for you to meet me in the city so we can talk things through before you go to the police station?" she asked Nora and she knows that she isn't allowed to drive yet so she doesn't want to risk that.

„Hey thanks for calling and letting me know but I am not allowed to drive yet. I am alone at the moment and everyone around me is busy with work and all. Am I asking for to much if I would suggest for you to come by to my place? I could make you some coffee." Nora offered as she sat down on the couch.

„As a caffeine addict you had me at coffee. I'll be there. Are you free tomorrow?" she asked Nora as she heard her typing on a Laptop.

„Yeah I don't have anything waiting for me so I am free tomorrow." she told her as Nora glanced to her calendar that was hanging on the kitchen wall as if she wanted to check if there could have been any appointment but who is she kidding. She got nothing to do.

„Great. Good. I'll send you the details and I'll see you tomorrow then." she told her.

„Alright. I'll send you my address." Nora added.

„Thanks see you tomorrow."

„Yeah have a good one bye." Nora hung up and leaned herself back into her comfortable couch.

A crippling anxious feeling started to crawl up in her stomach as she laid there trying to think of what will happen tomorrow. She doesn't know if she will put to prison for killing Victor.
In her eyes it was clearly self defense but she doesn't know what the judge and jury will say when the court day arrives.

One thing for sure is that she knows that she needs to do some serious decisions when it comes to the worst case scenarios. And this is again the question she had to answer for herself before.
Who will take care of Chase, Quinn and Chestnut?

Because to be honest. She isn't sure if she should put all her trust into Lizzie again. She did it once because it felt right. But now after what has been said. After the things that Lizzie said, she doesn't know if she wants to give her little family to her.
That might be brutal to say but as a mother she needs to contemplate and that is what Nora is doing.

She obviously needs to talk to her kids about that too. Which will be the hardest part. She wants to know how they really feel about Lizzie and how they were doing while she was absent.

Her mind is twisting and forth when it comes to Lizzie. She felt a familiar comfort when she was interacting with her in the hospital. She was extremely supportive and thoughtful. She cared and Nora noticed that. She never had someone care so much about her.

But then the uncomfortable tension she had during that fight makes her mind and heart twist. That uncomfortable feeling felt familiar. Just as familiar the comfort felt which is weird to her.

Trust issues and that anxious voice in Nora's head makes her spiral about everything.
But since she started to remember she begins to feel different towards Lizzie. This constant back and forth in Nora's mind is tiring her in so many ways.

She just wants to go back to the time where there were only her twins, Beth and Chestnut. Her tiny little family. Those four made her happy and kept her at peace as good as possible.

Everything changed since Lizzie came back into her life and she doesn't know if things will become worse or if they will stay the way they are now or if they will turn out to be better than expected.

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