Only you (Book 4)

She is here !

Narrator POV

Back to back was never their thing. Nora and Lizzie always faced each other when they laid down in the bed. Nora noticed that Lizzie has something on her mind. But she was a bit scared to ask.

Because she remembers how it ended when she started a conversation in bed the last time. They were fighting. And Nora kicked Lizzie out of her bed and house. She doesn't want that to happen again. Ever.

So she staid quiet and just looked Lizzie in the eyeshot wanting to ruin the moment.

„Can I ask you something?"
Lizzie was now the one starting the conversation.

„You just did. But yes." Nora replied in a cocky way which made Lizzie role her eyes.

„Go ahead. What is scratching your mind?"
she encouraged her since she noticed that it might be something serious.

„I know it's been years. But I have so many unanswered questions I-."

„Spill the beans. I'll try to answer them as good as I can." Nora told her and Lizzie nod.

„On my wedding day.." she started and Nora's mind drifted back to that day. Indeed it's been years,was what she thought to herself. But she has a feeling she knows what's about be asked.

But all she wanted to remember was, how astonishing Lizzie looked that day. That backless dress which was hugging her beautiful figure so well. As if it was made for her. This was the most beautiful memory Nora had kept from that day. The rest wasn't good at all.

„What was going on in your mind on that day? Because you were crying in the bathroom and the way you talked to me. It was as if you said your last goodbye. You left me and after that you faked your death. Why?"

„Multiple reason made me do what I did. I was there to see you one last time. Because I knew what I was planning on doing. Mind you I didn't even know if I would survive that risky shit I did. But when I saw you in that dress. How you walked past me down the aisle. Oh Lizzie that was hurting so much."

„Why didn't you say anything?" she asked her.

„How could I? I didn't want to ruin your big day. You looked so incredibly happy and I don't know if it was a facade or if it was your true happiness.
I couldn't just bark in and ruin your wedding."
Nora told her honestly.

„So I kept quiet." She added after she let her answer sink into Lizzie's mind.

„Was Victor the only reason why you did what you did? Or was there more behind it? And I need you to be honest with me. We've lied to each other so many times I feel like we've lost count on it. Please. Tell me."

„Robbie threatened me that day. He told me to stay out of your way. He was a part on why I faked my death. But Victor was the main reason. I made my decision before I even attended your wedding. Robbie was just the „cherry on top" if I could say it like that."

„Couldn't you have said anything? To the police? Or to scar or to me? We would have found another way. Together."

„He told me if I'd try to get away from him he'd tell everyone that we had an affair. You would have lost your job. You might even had to go to prison. I don't know but I couldn't forgive myself if this would have happened."

„Screw my job. I do not care about it if this means that I could have had you beside me."

„You're just saying that now. But this is your profession and you thrive for that job. What kind of person would I be if I would have let you lose that? In your eyes I'd always be the woman who ruined your career."

„but look at what you had to go through because you wanted to keep me safe." and that made Nora flash back to some days she would have loved to erase out of her mind. A shiver went down her spine as she started to feel like some heavy weight was resting on her chest.

Countless bruises on her body. Every day a new one has been added from the rough hand grips he had. How he slapped her from time to time. How he was so obsessive over her. The countless times she had to endure sex because he wanted it. She never ever ever wants to go back to that place but her mind is playing tricks on her right now and she feels like she's laying in that old apartment again.

Lizzie clicked on the lights next to her to see that Nora feels extremely uncomfortable. She didn't know that she might have triggered something inside of her that was pounding deep down in her mind.

„Nora hey. Are you okay? What's going on?" she asked as she placed her hand on her upper arm but Nora flinched. She pulled away quick and started to pull on her collar shirt.

Even though the shirt lays lose around her neck she feels like it's tightening with every breath she takes. Her mouth is dry. She feels warm and cold at the same time. A tight throat feeling was making everything worse.

„Your having a panic attack. Shit okay. I don't wanna touch you if you don't want to. I'd help you sit up but try it on your own. Come on. Sit up. Lean against the bed frame." Lizzie ordered her gently not wanting to trigger anything else.

„I don't know what your mind is trying to trick you into. But the things in your mind are over.
This here is real. I am real and I am here. So are you. It's just you and me love."

„I never told this anyone. Not even Beth knows it and she knows everything-." Nora began with a slightly shaking voice.

„There were days and nights where I really wanted to die. He really made me believe that the only way out is through me dying. So this was also a way of me trying to get away. It was risky we knew that. But in my mind I thought to myself „if you really die while trying. You wouldn't have to endure his presence anymore. I'd be free from his grip. His disgusting touch. The perfume I smelled for such a long time. How it rested in the air while there was no wind hollowing through the apartment. His heavy body I... I feel like he's laying on me right now. T-this heavy heav-."

Tears were beaming in Lizzie's eyes. She wanted to let them out. But she kept them in. Swallowed them. This anger and sadness this flame that made her boil on the indes because this is only the surface of what Nora had to go through without letting anyone know.

She held her tears back and Lizzie saved them for later. For when she's alone. In the bathroom she will cry over those informations and images that have been put into her mind. Because she knows that if Nora sees her cry she won't stop panicking. She needs a solid rock right now. So this is what Lizzie is trying to be.
Her rock bottom.

...