Fame | A Tomdaya Romance

Chapter 25

Then

It doesn't feel the same, but we've made it to the end of the press tour and tomorrow I'm flying to Texas to film my next movie. I should feel excited, but despite all of it - knowing that it's going to be two months until I see her again quite frankly hurts. So much so that I've been sitting here in the hotel room before our big wrap party and I'm three mini bottles down.

I've not been alone with her since Paris, it's been fine but it hasn't been what it was. In rare moments I see a little bit of her wall fall down and I see the light there, a soft part of her show that makes me think that perhaps she is acting too. But surely she knows that I like her, why else would I have kissed her? And so if she felt the same she wouldn't need to put up a wall.

I've spoken to my therapist about it of course, I had to. But it doesn't mean that I was ready for his practical solutions and not to spend all my time thinking about it. Of course not. I'm not quite that advanced at life yet.

Instead, I'm thinking of ways to speak to her before I go. Tell her that I'll miss her whilst I'm gone - and that I'm not sure what happened but I would do anything to kiss her again. I fucking fall asleep to re-living that fucking kiss, and how it felt for me to have my arms around her, touching her perfect body.

Stop it Tom. Stop torturing yourself.

I'm two drinks into our party, and thought I was doing okay - until she walked in. I've seen her looking beautiful night after night after night on this tour, and yet something about tonights dress has touched me in a new place. Something about that touch of collarbone on show, the curve of her back - it's a red dress with these little cut out bits all over it and I feel like it's just tempting me.

Jacob's giving me a look that makes me think he isn't as unaware as I perhaps had convinced myself he was. "No one you can focus on at home?" he says simply, like somehow he knows that I'll never have her and that I'm pining about it. I shake my head, "I mean, not really - there was a girl before we started filming, but I don't know".

I do know actually. She isn't Zendaya.

He laughs, "I don't have many solutions for you. But we can continue to drink, and maybe even get a spot on the playstations in the corner in a bit if you fancy a game of FIFA?"

The man knows me well and I appreciate it, "Mate, if we cant get a spot on the playstations I think no one else has a chance" I joke, taking another drink and chugging it. I no longer have to do any talking about the movie, so I can get as drunk as I'd like and it won't be an issue.

I'm too drunk when she finally makes her way over to us, I'm surprised at how well she has avoiding coming over here all night. Using her Disney training working the entire room before coming to sit on the sofa where I'm sitting with Jacob and a few of the crew that we've ended up spending lots of time with. She's with Law of course, he smiles at me before she does.

"Hey guys, you're not mingling at all" her voice is soft. Jacob laughs, "Dude, we've done all our chatting and mingling, we're getting zoooted". He's drunker than I am, and that's quite a challenge given that we just did three rounds of shots with the boys after I lost a drinking game. It's clear that Zendaya is surprised about that, her eyes meet mine and I know she's wondering whether I am in the same place. Within a few seconds I see her realisation that I am.

Does she know it's because of her?

I try and act a bit more sober, "Come have a drink with the fun lot then" I say, I swear I just spoke in a cockney accent. Maybe not so sober after all.

Law excuses himself and she takes a seat next to me, can she feel the energy between us still? "I'm so glad it's over" I say, breaking the ice, "as you can probably tell". She laughs, "Me too, this last week has been brutal" she looks over to check if the boys are listening, they aren't. "You're leaving tomorrow right - to film?"