Sheep to be Slaughtered

~Chapter Twelve~

            I waited for night to fall, the tension of what I was about to do growing each time I checked the position of the sun to estimate how much longer it would be until I made my move. I fought with doubt through the day, trying to talk myself out of this... that it was for Leanna's benefit if I let this go...

          ... but what if it wasn't? What if there was something in that chest that might just give us some answers? Could it help us out of the village? What secrets did it hide?

          I knew I couldn't let this go.

          I donned my cloak again, standing in my house and zoning out. I stood in silence, my thoughts racing but my feet planted on the ground. Leanna had long since gone to bed, her grief continuing to exhaust her of the energy she had each day. The time had come. I needed to move.

          A soft knock at the door made my head snap up. There was likely only one person that could be at this hour... and he couldn't know what I was up to. I rid myself of my cloak quickly and threw onto the kitchen table. I raked my fingers through my long hair, attempting and failing to smooth it out. I opened the door to find Zander. Normally, I found his presence calming and soothing... but right now, it only worried me.

          "Eleyah... I," he began, he sounded nervous. "I know you told me to stay away... but I just wanted to... to check in on you and Leanna... and I know it's late, but I thought that was the only way you might let me speak to you... I've just been worried about you both and I've been trying to stay away... but I miss you and I just want to make sure you're doing all right... can I ... can I come in and speak with you?"

           I couldn't deny how sweet of him this gesture was. It felt good to know that someone in this vile village actually genuinely cared about me and Leanna... but now was not the time to let Zander in and speak with him... it sounded wonderful to sit with him and release all the grief and sorrow I had tried to mute.

           But there was a reason I could not yet grieve as I wished. I had to keep myself together and find that chest first. There would be time for grief, of that I was sure... but it was not now.

          I had to get rid of him.

          I kept my body positioned in the doorframe. Putting on a sweet, yet sad smile, I shook my head slowly. "I really appreciate that, Zander," I admitted. "But this just isn't a good time for me... I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet..."

          "You don't have to," Zander replied. "We can just talk about..."

          "It's not a good time," I interrupted more forcefully than I had wanted.

          He looked confused... I didn't like the look of hurt I also saw flash in his eyes.

          "Eleyah..."

          I couldn't let him guilt me. I felt terrible about being short with him as he was only trying to be my friend... and he was risking himself to do so. I knew the village was now quiet, but still... anyone could be watching...

           "I'm sorry," I said a bit more softly. "I still just need some time to myself..." it was true. Even if I needed him gone in that moment, I still wasn't ready to expose my real feelings... I couldn't involve him in my plan... couldn't tell him of all the things I wanted to do... even if I desired to tell him. I couldn't risk losing him too.

          The irony... the hypocrisy of that thought though. Here I was, about to do something that could likely get either myself or Leanna killed if I got caught... but I had to. I had to see this through...