HER LETTERS || GIYUSHINO

The Words I Held Back

~flashback~

I walk into our favorite restaurant, we usually go here for dinner after a mission or lunch in our free time. Shinobu sits at a table, wearing a casual purple kimono with her usual haori.

I wore a dark blue and black one, the kimono I would wear when I'm not working. I sat down and took a look at the menu, even though I already knew what was on it.

"You read my letter, so have you?" She asked.

I paused, I wanted to tell her the truth. But for the first time in my life, I felt scared. Not scared in a way where it's life or death, but scared of rejection. "I have."

Her eyes lit up, "Really? You seem to be the forever-single type."

Ouch. "..I've never been in a relationship before."

She smiled, "Neither have I, but that doesn't mean you can't fall in love. I've fallen in love with someone. Not somebody I can't be with, but somebody if I get with, I'll end up leaving and hurting them." Her face grew dull as she looked down to take a sip of water.

"Why would you leave if you love them?" I asked.

"..It's complicated." She sighed.

"Well, then who are you in love with?"

"I can't say." Shinobu responded, "Who are you in love with?"

I bit my tongue in hesitation. "I can't say either."

"I guess we'll never know who we each like." Shinobu lightened the mood.

"I guess so."

We ordered are food, and as it came out I feel like an idiot. Of course, she was in love with someone else. I wanted to know who so badly, but it wasn't my place to pry into her business like that.

"So, is he nice?"

"He's wonderful. Quiet, soft-spoken, doesn't express himself much but readable like an open book. He cares for me, and I care for him."

I scoffed.

"Hey! Did you just scoff at me!? Do you think I'm crazy or something?!"

I leaned back crossing my arms in my chair, "It was nothing, you just make 'this guy' sound so perfect." My eyes rolled without me realizing.

"Are you feeling okay? The way you're speaking is starting to remind me of Iguro and Uzui." She laughed at my attitude. "Now, tell me about your girl."

I stumbled to find my words knowing that 'my girl' was sitting right in front of me, "She's a beautiful person. Intelligent, selfless, caring and kind. I don't think she feels the same way about me."

"Awww..Giyuu..I didn't know you had such a big heart! Actually, I didn't know you even had one."

I felt embarrassed. She's always been creative with her playful insults.

Only halfway through our dinner I realized she was wearing the hairpin I gifted her for her birthday, "You're wearing my gift."

She beamed, "Of course I am. I like it, and it was from you."

I don't think I've bought anybody a gift in years, I was just surprised she kept it.

"Hey, Tomioka, it's snowing tonight. There's a forest near my estate, and it gets beautiful when it snows. Let's drop by and take a walk together there."

~~

We entered the forest, and she wasn't it wrong about it being beautiful. Beforehand, I ran home to get my sword in case we have a demon encounter. Shinobu felt relaxed though, she didn't feel like taking hers.

I looked away for a spilt second, and she bent down and grabbed a ball of snow. She tossed it straight in my face, right when I turned around.

I looked at her with a straight face, "Very funny." I said sarcastically.

She snickered, "You have no sense of humor!"

I grabbed a ball of snow, and proceeded to do the same thing. She looked down, and her covered her face with her hands. She whimpered like she was crying.

"That hurt.."

I was confused, and wondered if I messed up. "I'm sorry-"

She let a laugh escape her mouth, before she bursted out laughing. "YOU FELL FOR IT! I'm a great actress, y'know."

I sighed, "I can never win."

~end of flashback~

Sometimes, I look back at that memory and wish I had told her how I felt. I wish I told her before she left.