We love you (so please don't go) [EXTRA EDITION!!!]

The Walls that hide the Sadness and the Pain

Trigger Warning: PT$D, mentions of child @bvs3, d3@th, t0x!c/unhealthy relationships, bl00d, slight g0r3(???), body dy$m0rph!@, body image issues, low self-esteem, self-worth issues, implied self-h@rm, internalized $3x!$m (there's a lot of it, so be warned), and [sewerslidal] thoughts.

Essie was in the kitchen on a rainy, Wednesday night, humming High (one of MM's songs in the vanilla FNF game) whilst chopping mushrooms. In front of her were small bowls with mushroom soup, sour cream, chopped onions, all-purpose flour, butter, olive oil, beef broth, salt, and ground black pepper in each one.

"Essie?" The white-haired demoness turned to her grandfather.

"Yes, dedushka?"

"May I help you? It feels wrong to be doing nothing while you cook on your own."

Essie smiled. "Of course. The beef is still in the fridge. Can you get it and chop, please?"

Krus nodded before walking off to do as she asked.

When his back was turned away, her smile fell, and she looked at him with nothing but sadness and sympathy as she conjured up another cutting board and knife before turning away and getting back to chopping.

She felt really bad for her grandfather.

All he wanted was to be truly loved and cared for, and all he got was 20+ years of grief, trauma, and sorrow, 5 years of psychological and physical abuse from his aunt and uncle of nobles, and then death just because he fell for her grandmother and had her (Essie's) father with her (her grandmother).

Thanks to that, he's fallen victim to many toxic and corrupt individuals, because the second someone shows even the smallest bit of kindness to him, he clings on too hard, even if they're faking it's obvious to him.

Thanks to that, he feels like he has to be 'perfect', like helping others is his only purpose in life, like he has to bottle up his depression. The fact that he's been resurrected years after his death and his struggle in adapting to the present time isn't helping.

She felt sad for him.

She was so caught up in her thoughts and concern for her grandfather that she didn't realize the knife was dangerously close to her fingers until it was too late.

"SWEET CHRISTMAS!" Essie had cut her distal phalanges down to the bone.

Krus, who had fallen into a void of self-hatred while chopping the meat, snapped out of it, and turned to Essie.

"Essie? Are you alri..." He trailed off when he saw her wound. "ight..."

"I'm fine." Essie's eyes glowed a cobalt blue, and, in a flash of blue light, her wound was healed, and the blood on the knife and cutting board was removed; it was as if she never cut herself with the knife.

Krus said nothing and looked at Essie, his eyes widened in shock and his mouth agape.

"It's demon magic." Krus nodded, swallowing the bile in his mouth as he and Essie continued chopping in silence.

***

After dinner, Essie and Krus had went to the kitchen to wash dishes. However, just as Krus had turned on the sink, the water burst and started gushing out like a waterfall, getting all over the duo.

Rsch and Sarv ran in, with Rsch dragging Essie and Krus to the dining room and Sarv putting the sink back together with her demon powers.

"I am so sorry." A drenched Sarv said after the whole fiasco was resolved. "I have no idea what happened. The sink was fine yesterday."

'Lies.' Krus said in his mind. 'It was YOU who destroyed the sink. I know your tricks Lucifer; you can fool my son, my lover, and the kids, but NOT me.'

"I'll get that fixed." Ruv said.

"Can I help?" Rsch inquired. Ruv opened his mouth to say no, but relented when he saw his wife glaring at him.

"Fine."

"Great!" Rsch then turned to her lover and eldest granddaughter. "You two should have a warm bath and change clothes. You're going to get sick if you stay in those any longer."

"Fair point." Essie said as her grandmother turned to her grandfather and did the 'give me it' hand gesture.

Taking the hint, Krus took off his trench coat and turtleneck sweater, revealing the white, tank top he wore underneath and gave it to Rsch before walking off to bathe with Essie following suit as Rsch went to put the clothes in the dryer.

***

Krus turned on the shower and made sure the temperature was just right for him before stepping in, taking a deep breath, and closing his eyes as the warm water hit him. He made sure his hair was wet enough before getting some shampoo and lathering it on his hair.

He opened his eyes and saw his reflection on the glass door.

How freakishly tall he was...

How his waistline was smaller than other men...

How his chest was a tad bit bigger than the rest of his body...

The scars littered on his arms and legs from the times his aunt and uncle would hit him and when he used to cut himself as a temporary reliever to the pain, he felt inside...

'You're pathetic.' A voice in his head said.

'You're ugly and worthless.'

'You're a terrible son and nephew.'

'You're a terrible lover, father, and grandfather. You don't deserve those titles.'

'You were too weak to protect your son from having a [crappy] life and from the clutches of the devil, and you're too weak to protect your lover and grandchildren from being corrupted and manipulated by that wretched woman as well.'

Krus felt tears well up in his eyes.

'You're really going to cry now?' The voice in his head scoffed.

'You really are pathetic.'

"I'm not." Krus muttered to himself, trying to stop the tears from spilling out of his eyes.

'Really? Then why are you crying.'

'You're such an emotional crybaby.'

'Your aunt and uncle have worked very hard to make you perfect, to teach you to act like a man, but look at you...'

'You're still as worthless and pathetic as you were when you were 10.'

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he bit his lip, trying to repress a sob.

'You're not a man; men don't cry.'

'You're a worthless, pathetic excuse of a man.'

'That's all you'll ever be...'

After rinsing off the shampoo, he decided to skip washing his body, face, and genitals. He dried himself and put his clothes on before plopping down face-first and onto the bed.

He felt sleep take over him, a tiny part of him hoping that he won't wake up after this.

Little did he know that a man and a woman, both who were translucent, were watching him.

The woman sighed. "That's his problem. He builds walls to hide and run from the pain and sadness until it piles up."

The man nodded in agreement. "I know, Rava. I wish we were still alive so we can hug him and tell him that it's alright."

"So do I, Renski." The woman replied. "But, sadly, life had other plans for us."