Not your soulmate♡

~Chapter 33~

~Taehyung pov~

Why....why why why why?!!!

I pull at my hair as I try to calm myself down holding back the tears that are threatening to fall. Yeontan sleeps peacefully on my bed having no idea the crisis going on in the room or in the house. Everything feels like its falling apart and all my emotions are trying to burst out of me no matter how much I try to keep it in.

All I feel is hurt, betrayal, guilt, anger, heartache and worst of all I don't want to feel all of this.

I hate this...I hate how I am handeling this...

This isn't me...this really isn't...

I've tried to hard to keep it in this past week but every time I think of it all I can do is try to fight my thoughts the best I can but honestly it feels like I'm reaching a point that I don't want to reach.

I'm so scared that if I just lose my focus for one second then everything I fought so hard for will be gone. After almost losing Jungkook last time to Eun-hye even before she came back was enough to create a huge fear in my mind and an image of the person that took the place in his heart that we all wanted.

It was a hard and difficult time when I was fighting with my insecurity and sadness trying to just find a spot in his life where I could fit in when he kept pushing us away no matter what we did.

Being the youngest soulmate before him with my other 5 soulmates was amazing but it never felt complete until he joined and I just didn't want to lose our last piece knowing if I lose him I could probably lose all 5 of the others with the way we all fought about trying harder or just leaving it.

I don't even want to think back at those times because we overcame that and grew stronger than ever with love equally shared and no more secrets.

I guess we were extremely wrong...

Now knowing that the person I was most afraid of is back and Jungkook still doesn't want to let go drives me insane knowing there is a chance the past will repeat again and he hold her more important than all of us.

Is it so unfair to not want to give up on my soulmate?

The worst thing is I liked Eun-hye a lot, she is beautiful inside and out, friendly, cute and an amazing person I wanted to become best friends with but with the glass shattered between us all I can't differentiate between the villian I imaged in my mind and the person I met.

I hate it....

It's hard since I always prepared myself mentally for the day something like this could happen but being thrown into all of this so suddenly with a person I got to know makes me feel horrible.

The biggest fear I have is that a big part of my mind is saying that if Jungkook wasn't our soulmate and he had to pick between us and her the answer would have been answered immediately her.

"But now not only Jungkook is taking her side but also Jin-hyung...I'm so scared...what is happening to us" I let my tears silently fall down my cheeks as I bite down on my fist. The two sides of me is fighting so hard and I don't want to lose myself in a battle that isn't even a real one.

I don't know if I should trust Eun-hye or not. She could be laughing at us behind our backs and playing the innocent card letting us take our guard down before she steps in but a big part of me laughs at that thought and still holds onto the Eun-hye I got to know.

So many things are now thrown into it too like the new information of her being soulmateless. I reacted out of defence when I heard those words and the bond made me feel triggered knowing she could want my soulmate and her chances are a bit higher with no other soulmate that could be another barrier. I'm not defending myself since I know it was wrong no matter how I feel and I can't stay blinded to everyone's sides forever no matter how hard I try to avoid it.