Not your soulmate♡

~Chapter 53~

♡Eun-hye pov♡

Okay...I can do it....I can do it...I can-

I let out a groan feeling my frustration build more at myself while lightly stomping my feet on the bathroom tiles tilting my head up as I close my eyes sucking in a deep breath while running a hand through my messy hair.

A week, a full week has passed and it was an extremely awkward week of the same routine that I forced myself in to just not to think about anything at all to stop myself from having a breakdown. So far my days have consisted of waking up, calling my parents- which honestly went as expected when I broke the news to them- and making sure we all are still okay and that I'm still fine living here, writing more on my book to keep me busy and spending time with Aera if she isn't at work or busy and her soulmates when one comes around, which also ended up in a comfortable friendship, before finally ending up drowning myself in sleep to just not think about anything that happened.

Truth be told all those things are fine with me ignoring reality but the part that makes me feel slightly pathetic is the part where during this whole week I still haven't so much as peaked at the new mark adorning my hip almost like I'm pretending it doesn't exist yet the fact that I literally almost face-planted when I tripped over the rug when I forgot about the mirror and on reflex tried to move away causing me to slip but thankfully catching myself before falling is a clear statement to me and the world that this is just me ignoring it.

Surpringly hard to shower, bathe, get dressed or even wearing certain clothes without risking a glance at the soulmark

It's slightly surprising and somehow makes me feel a bit proud in myself that I was able to hold out on overthinking this for so long since the fact that I'm usually one to not even be able to sleep with the thoughts not letting me rest with panick and fear usually laced in the thoughts of the certain topic thats keeps appearing over and over again. I must say that over than that the overwhelming urge to slap myself for it also plays a huge part since the more reasonable and sensible side of me reminds me that the only reason I haven't gotten worried about it too much or think of it too much with the future is because I haven't allowed myself to even think of looking at it, talking of it or even touch it.

Which also brings me to right now...

In the bathroom with the door closed at 2 am in the morning sneaking around and whispering in my own home because Aera is busy sleeping before her morning shift and I am trying my best to make syee she isn't waking up because I want to do it alone. The fact that I actually need sleep since I am hanging out with Hyunjin and Minho later today also gets pushed aside since I know if I give in now then I won't get in a single wink of sleep either and will just end up pushing it out further and if being up in the dead of the night in my bathroom hiding to do it then I need to take it.

This is really low for me though...yet I need to do it

I can't keep ignoring it and the concerned eyes always falling on me whenever the guys come visit leaves a sickening feeling of realising I'm running away like a coward from something I thought I was brave enough to face. It just makes me feel hatred towards myself because ignoring it in the long run is weak and the last thing I need right now is to let everything come back in my future.

No we are going to face this now

"So this means you need to look in the mirror Eun-hye" I hiss to myself under my breath as I open my eyes flexing out my fingers that feel stiff from how long I'm been holding onto the edges of my shirt for so long.

Ever since Aera fell asleep I was busy contemplating the best time to go and go and face my fear by ripping it off like a bandaid but in this case just lifting my shirt to see the soulmark. Being locked the bathroom attempting to look at the soulmark alone is something that would have been amusing to think of in my mind but living it and knowing the reasons for it makes my mouth run dry.