Not your soulmate♡

~Chapter 40~

~Namjoon pov~

Guilt...

Guilt that pops up in the most random times breaking down any happy emotions...

It's a weird feeling that never leaves your chest even at night when you close your eyes trying to force yourself to sleep just to forget the guilt hanging over your head forcing you to notice it. Guilt is one of the most hated emotions from someone who overthinks or dwells long on a subject especially when the solution to lightening the guilt is not available. It eats a person up until you face it head on.

It's honestly just a hard pill to swallow especially when you can't seem to get rid of it since it stays stuck in your mind just like it has been in mine for the past month. Guilt has been eating at my mind since the day I talked to the guys and it only worsed the day I talked to Aera.

When I repeated the message over to my soulmates it all felt like a wave of emotions hit from them all and I can still remember three faces that looked most dishearted by everything that happened. Honestly I was most surprised with Jimin joining in with Jungkook and Taehyung but after Taehyung had an unexpected talk with us made peace with us all it was like we all settled into a weird dynamic of like we were before yet still different in a way.

I still remember the day Taehyung came home with a distraught face shocking us all as he smiled softly at us with tears still streaming down his face before he told us he was wrong and he was sorry for targeting Eun-hye. It was a blur that day as it was more then that conversation that happened since Taehyung also asked to speak to Jungkook privately when we were done.

I'm not sure exactly what happened with Jungkook and Taehyung when they talked it out but it was a heated argument from Jungkook's side as he kept arguing about something with him before they both magically worked it out 2 days later as the rest of us stared with wide eyes at the red rimmed eyes of both men.

After that it wasn't ever brought up again as peace remained in the house but still as I tried to apologize to Eun-hye by asking Aera it all just felt like a slap through my face.

I guess it was deserved though, I mean I would have protected my best friend if I were her too...

I sigh running my hand through hair as I take of my glasses closing my eyes. Time flew by so fast yet felt like a slow torture through some days.

"How could our lives have changed so much in merely a month after all the drama" I open my eyes to stare down at my computer before turning my gaze towards the framed photo on the shelf right above it.

It feels like the photo is mocking me as happy smiles of 7 men stare back at me making me flinch in my chair frowning at the photo. It feels so far away even though the photo was taken only a year ago.

"We have gotten worse since then...even if we are getting better now it still feels strange"

How time changes....

"I can't even blame anyone except for us all since we took the easy way out to blame one person instead of sorting it out like normal people and now there is no way for us to make up for our mess anymore. Our emotions were understandable but our actions..." I press my lips together as my words die down on my tongue before turning back to my computer and turning it off knowing I won't be able to focus on anything for a while now.

Pondering over it all is driving me insane with these mixed up emotions that I can't even understand anymore and there are lingering emotions that I also can't understand either.

Like why am I struggling with trying to understand if I can't stop thinking about it all because I miss her or because I feel guilty?

Not that it matters anymore though....