Lavishing Him

The Present - Twenty-Two

Hello, my lovelies! Just a reminder that the Present will switch between Cal and Brynn's POVs. Hope you like the glimpse inside Brynn's head. Don't forget to like and comment!

Enjoy!

BRYNN

Cal shifted in his sleep, hair ruffled adorably as he edged closer to me.

Like this, he seemed okay. We seemed okay. Like any other mated pair, but I knew better. There were demons that sat between us. There was a past that kept an iron grip on the present, never letting us move toward the future.

And each day it only seemed to get worse.

I wanted to stop it, wanted to end this pain that always seemed to cloud that happy future, but that was my instinct as Alpha.

And that was the problem.

It wasn't all Cal. No, he simply found comfort in the darkness within me. Like calls to like. As much as he hated it, there was no denying the foundation of our relationship.

We weren't like other couples because there was no love in this union.

No matter how much I wanted there to be.

Not once have those words come from his lips and despite how I felt, I never said it either. Saying it felt like putting a noose around his neck.

He'd run or he'd fight.

I couldn't restrict him like that. It was the last thing I wanted for him.

Freedom wasn't an option in our world. In our society. But I tried to give him as much as I could without being the overbearing, controlling Alpha I was told to be.

I had seen the mistakes with those closest to me. Kai Hemming tried to be both, do both, and it had cost him. While he had a loving and unbreakable bond with his mate, Drew, his actions...his mistakes had broken them both.

We're all just fragile creatures looking for a place to fit. Sometimes we shove ourselves in places, like little puzzle pieces, bearing the abrasive edges and folds, knowing that's not where we belonged, just because a tiny piece of us did. Or maybe it's because we wanted to fit. Somewhere.

I mean, who had the time to find the perfect slot? Did it even exist?

But how willing were we to hurt ourselves and those around us, just trying to jam ourselves where we didn't really belong?

And where did I stand?

Where did Cal?

We were both the broken pieces that didn't bother trying. We were the aftermath of others' decisions to do both. To make those mistakes. To fit.

Were they selfish? Or were we?

As much as I wanted to soothe his wounds, I felt like I was only doing more damage. Had I become them? The ones who hurt him?

Was I trying to fit?

And if I forced this, what kind of ugly, fractured image would it create?

I stroked his cheek gently, feeling the warmth of his skin. His breaths so calm and even, yet shallow. As if even in sleep, he couldn't allow himself to take in too much.

When would he finally let go? When would he feel comfortable enough to do so? Could I ever get him to trust me?

Not wanting to leave him, but know I had to, I placed a soft kiss to his jaw before sliding out of bed.