Different Days | Matt Sturniolo

5

I keep replaying last night's events. I can't believe I acted the way I did. I ran out of their house without saying goodbye. And then I had that anxiety attack.... over not being able to date Matt. I feel like I'm going insane. 

I use the large metal spoon to dump a pile of brown rice onto my plate. I'm at my school's cafeteria, trying to get a moment of peace in-between classes. I keep my head down in shame even though no one here knows, or would care, about what I did.

"Natalie?" A guy's voice asks. I get deja-vu to MaryLou calling out my name.

I look up. A medium-built guy with light, fluffy brown hair and blue eyes is standing in front of me. It's Nathan, a guy I talked to in a few of my high school classes. We were never friends per se,   but we talked in our cooking and gym classes. 

"Nathan, hey," I say weakly. I know he's friends with the Sturniolo triplets. I hope they didn't tell him what happened. 

"I didn't know you go to school here," he says. He starts walking slowly, so I follow him. 

"Yeah, I'm trying to figure out my life. I'm taking some business classes."

"Oh, nice. I'm working on an associates degree in general science." We arrive at a small table next to the corner windows and he takes a seat. I stand awkwardly for a second.

"Sit down," he says, and I oblige. 

"I started here in the fall semester," he says. "It's different than high school but I like it. I just wish I had more people to talk to."

"I get that. I've been feeling a bit lonely." I'm surprised that I said that. Then again, my recent actions shouldn't surprise me anymore. 

"I've been missing Chris, Matt, and Nick," he says quietly. He moves his fork aimlessly around his plate. "There're actually back to visit but I didn't see them yet. They're jet lagged."

"Believe it or not, but I saw them yesterday," I mutter. 

His eyes grow wide. "Actually? I didn't know you guys are friends."

"We're not. I was over at their house watering the plants." I force myself to laugh and shake my head. "Oh Nate, it was awful. They ran into the house, trying to surprise their parents that they're back home. They were filming. Then they saw me and it went downhill."

He laughs politely. "So what happened next?"

"Someone got the idea to surprise their parents in Cape Cod but Matt didn't want to drive. I offered to drive and it became all quiet."

"But that's nice of you to offer."

"No, it was weird because we aren't friends. I just jumped on the opportunity real quick."

"What opportunity?"

My mouth hangs open but I quickly shut it. "Nothing."

He smirks. "Come on, tell me," he begs. 

Don't overshare, don't overshare, don't overshare.

"I had a little bit of a crush on Matt. It went nowhere and it absolutely won't go anywhere now."

My face heats up. Why did I tell him that?

He smiles. "I'm sure you weren't that bad."

"I was!" For some reason, I start smiling. I feel better talking about this.

"I practically ran out of there. I gave the spare key to the house to Matt and just took off. I was mortified!"

He gives me a reassuring smile. "Matt's not a jerk. If he was acting weird that night, it's because he was tired from all the traveling. Trust me, there's no need to be anxious."

I sigh. "You're right." Once again realizing I admitted that I have a crush on Matt and that I need to deflect, I continue "it's just that I really want to make new friends. They all seem like fun people. But it's so hard to make friends and add in a bit of social anxiety... it just becomes a disaster."

"That's so relatable. Once they moved to L.A., I realized I barely have any friends left in the area. I thought making friends in high school was hard. But now it seems impossible."

"Exactly."

"Chris, Matt, Nick, and I have plans to go ice-skating tomorrow night. You should come with us."

I'm caught off-guard. "Oh, I don't know about that. You guys should spend time together."

He considers this for a moment. "Yeah but we're also hanging out tomorrow afternoon. I think it'll be fun. Plus, you can 'fix' whatever mistake you think you made with Matt."

He's got me there. "Fine, as long as you think they'll be okay with it."

"I'll check right now," he says, quickly swiping away on his phone. I cringe but don't say anything to him.

I eat some of my food that's getting cold. A moment later, Nate smiles. 

"Nick said that you're more than welcome to come. He also mentioned that he needs more friends," he says, grinning. 

I smile back. I'm appreciate Nick being supportive but I'm worried about what Matt thinks. As if reading my mind, Nate says "and Matt just sent a thumbs-up."

That should make me feel better but it doesn't. I should have a better idea of what Matt thinks of me by the end of tomorrow.