Different Days | Matt Sturniolo

17

I never thought this would happen. In less than an hour, I have a date with Matt Sturniolo. It's going to be very relaxed. Matt is worried about fans showing up and asking questions about me and Amelia. While he loves seeing his fans, he's not in the mood to talk about his relationships while on a date. 

I'm worried about him. The fame seems to be getting too much for him. He has become more extroverted; less anxious, in a short amount of time. People change. It's normal. But his change happened really quickly. It might be hard for him to keep up. 

Our date is going to be at a small, local park. He's going to pick me up in a couple of minutes and then we'll pick up food. I should be excited. I'm going on a date with Matt! High school me would  be screaming right now. But I'm anxious. Matt needs someone who will listen and understand him. I need to be there for him.

Instead of spending a lot of time deciding on an outfit, I decide to be myself and wear something comfortable: a pink Nantucket sweatshirt, black leggings, and brown boots. I brush my hair and leave it down. Is it the best date outfit? Absolutely not. But I don't want to dress up and pretend that it's going to be a normal date.

Once he arrives, I say goodbye to my parents and head outside. Rap music is playing on a low volume in his minivan. I'm glad to see that he's also wearing a sweatshirt, but instead of leggings and boots, he's wearing sweatpants and Adidas sneakers.

"Hey, how are you?" he asks, lowering the already-low music. He forces a smile. He looks tired based on the dark circles under his eyes. But he also seems hopeful as he looks at me. 

"I'm the same. How are you?"

His smile falters. "Oh, you know. Just trying to figure things out."

I think of a response as I put the seatbelt on. The best I can come up with is "oh."

"It's alright. We have a very important decision to make. What are we getting to eat?"

"McDonalds," I instantly say. I have been craving Chicken McNuggets and small fries. 

He grins. "I was hoping you'll say that. If it was up to me, we would get McDonald's for every Friday car video." Realizing that he brought up his brothers and their YouTube channel, he tenses. 

"Wow, look at that dog!" I exclaim, focusing on a golden retreiver being walked by its owner on the sidewalk. It's a cute dog for sure, but nothing remarkable. I cringe at my attempt of distracting Matt.

Luckily, he plays along. "Aww, so cute. Almost as cute as Trevor."

We order a ton of food at McDonald's. I rarely eat out so I decide to splurge. It's dark by the time we arrive at Lincoln Park. We get out of the car and find a picnic table. The lights from the nearby  basketball court help illuminate the area. It's chilly, but nothing we can't handle. 

"I need to find balance in my life," Matt says out of nowhere. I slowly chew my chicken nugget. "In what way?"

He looks out into the distance. "In many ways. I need to figure out the L.A. and Boston divide. My private life and my public life. The path I'm on and the path I want to be on."

"Wow, that's a lot."

He smiles weakly. "I know. But because of Amelia, I've realized that I need to stay true to myself. I never meant to hurt her. We rushed into the relationship for our social media. It ended up backfiring. I feel awful. Ugh, I shouldn't be talking about this on a date. I'm sorry." He rests his head in his hands. His hair falls over his eyes.

"Matt," I whisper, gently using my hand to draw circles on his back. "You're being so hard on yourself. You're learning. You and Amelia thought you guys were doing the right things. And you're doing so well with YouTube. You make so many people happy."

He looks up. He's not crying but his eyes are watery. "Some days, I feel so happy. I feel that I've made it. But others, I miss how things were."

"Maybe it's not so black and white. You've got me, Nate, your parents, and of course Trevor here. You have a bedroom here. You're still a Somerville resident. I'm sure there are a lot of fans looking for drama. But you have so many supporters who care about you. You are not a character. Yes, people write about you in fanfictions. You are in control of your life!  You can date who you want and share as little or as much as you want to your fans. Your business partners are Nick and Chris. They care about you so much. Don't be afraid to talk to them. And Laura! I know you have so many agents now but Laura was there for you on day one. If it's getting too much, let her know. And for whatever reason, if no one seems to care, know that I do."

His eyes lock on mine. He was hanging on to every word. 

"Can I kiss you right now?" he asks. 

"Yes."

He leans in slowly, tilting his head to the side. The next thing I know, I taste moist lips and salt. It's a quick kiss. Just moments later, we separate. 

"Natalie, I want to see where things go. It's not going to be easy, but I think we can make all of this work. When I go back to L.A., I want things to be different. I'm not going to cut ties with my business partners but I'm going to stop forcing friendships. I want to push back a bit with all the analytics and basing our content on what's trending. The channel needs to be authentic. And most importantly, I'm going to get the message across that mental health is not an aesthetic. I like sharing my struggles to help others but the edits romanticizing my anxiety need to stop. Some people will find that mean, but I have to say something. I am in a completely different place than I was in high school. It's a journey but it's a good one. I want you to be in my life. Now and in the future."