Those eyes || Rafe Cameron

/8/

 I hadn't heard from Rafe since the picnic date. I was in a fight with myself about what to do. Should i send him a message? Or call him? I didn't know what was the best thing to do. Because i don't want to act like i own him or something. I don't want him to think i think i'm his girlfriend. Because we aren't, i guess. I really don't know where we stand right now. I never kissed a boy before like that, with such meaning. The thing we have going on right now is something i will never understand. You feel that there is something going on, but you don't know what it is and what to do with it. 

I was eating dinner alone. My parents where out of town this week for work. They're often away for work, but i don't mind. I like being on my own. And so i cooked for myself, i made an incredibly delicious pasta. If i may say so myself. Because my parents are gone most of the time, i learned at early age how to take care of myself. 

Also, with parents i mean my father and his girlfriend. I don't see my mom anymore. I never had a good relationship with her, so i don't really care that she is not in my life anymore. My parents divorced when i was 14 years old and when i had to live with my mom alone, it has gotten worse. We did fight a lot and i didn't feel like it was my home when i was there. One day we had a big fight and i decides to leave her. I got so much more peace in me after that decision. But sometimes when i see my friends and they're moms, i feel jealous. But i don't want my mom back.

I just put a big piece of pasta in my mouth when i hear someone knocking on the door. First three soft knocks, but because i had my mouth full i didn't open the door just yet. The following knocks where scaring, they where loud and fast. I got the feeling that there was an intruder or something. When i'm home alone, i'm often scared of intruders or things like that. 

''Tanny!'' it was Rafe. I swallowed my food and opened the front door. I gasped, putting my hand over my mouth. ''Jesus Rafe, what happend?'' His face was covered in blood and bruises. He doesn't say anything, he was just standing there, blood dripping out of his mouth. He smiles lightly, not wanting me to see that he was vulnerable. His mouth was also full of blood, his teeth and tongue red. His face was looking like a thunderstorm. 

''Let me help you, come'' I grab his hand and lead him to the bathroom upstairs in my room. I sat him down on the side of my bathtub. ''I want to take a bath with you Constance'' his face coming close to mine, he wants to kiss me. ''Rafe..'' i lightly push him away from me, back down on the side of the bathtub. He was clearly not thinking straight. I look him right in his eyes, they where normal.

''How did this happen?'' i ask before grabbing the first aid kit out of the cabinet under the sink. ''I fell... with my bike'' - ''That's a lie'' his eyes looking angry at me because he know i was right. ''Rafe, i just want to know what happend. I'm not gonna be mad at you'' i take an cotton pad and start cleaning the blood from his face. ''Why?'' he flinches away from me after i rubbed on the side of his mouth. 

I throw the cotton pads in the litter bin. ''Because i care'' i say fast before putting a pad with alcohol on the wound. His face twitches from the burning. 

''I got in a fight'' he admits. His head was hanging low, looking at our feet standing on the white bathroomfloor. ''With who?'' I put the first aid kit back in the cabin, the wound needed to dry in the air, a plaster was not going to work. ''Just someone from the cut'' he looks back up at me when i turned back around to face him. ''Out of nowhere you got in a fight?'' i say, letting him know i wasn't buying his story. His eyes saying a lot more. He sighs before grabbing my hand. 

''This guy Barry, he uuh.. he is a bad man'' he says to me, not looking at me anymore. His eyes focus on my hands. He plays with my jewelry before continuing the story. ''Yeah, he is bad'' saying it more to himself then to me. ''I wanted something from him but eh...'' he frowns his eyebrows before shaking his head. He was acting weird again. 

''He was out'' - ''Out? Like how?'' now i frown my eyebrows. ''You know Tanny, he didn't had what i wanted'' - ''Yeah no shit Rafe. That was already clear to me'' i know i just told him i wasn't gonna be mad, but i was getting frustrated. I was almost hundred percent sure he was talking about drugs, but is can't say something like that before getting t know the real story. 

''I'm so sorry Tanny'' was he crying? His head was leaning against my stomach, him still holding my hands. ''Just be careful in the future Rafe, i don't like seeing you getting hurt like this'' i untangle my hand from his to stroke trough his hair. It was a little wet and greasy from sweat. He looks up at me when i stroke his hair again. A little smile forming on his lips. 

''I like being with you Tanny, you make me feel so peaceful. Like nothing can hurt me here'' my hand resting on his cheek. ''When i'm with you, my head feels empty and i can think straight again. Not struggling with all the shit at home and with my dad anymore'' he admits to me.

''You are my drugs, please stay that way so i don't have to be in these fights anymore'' he says, somehow admitting that he is doing real drugs sometimes.

I nod my head in respons. I'm proud of him to admit such a vulnerable subject to me, so early in our relationship. Whatever and where ever we stand right now.