Those eyes || Rafe Cameron

/13/

 In the last week i only sat in my room with my curtains closed and music blasting in my ears. My parents came back home but i barely saw them. I felt betrayed and stupid. Thinking of the fact that i thought Rafe and i had something real made me feel stupid and angry at myself. How can i even think that? Everyone knows he isn't the person for relationships. 

But then i ask myself all these questions. Why did he took me on a date at the mainland? Why did he make a picknick himself. Why did he kiss me in the rain like the most romantic thing ever? And why did he respected my boundaries at the sleepover?

In the last week, Sarah and Kie had visited me. Asking how I've been or if i needed something. JJ called me, he was never the person to come over. But he cared about me and so he called, we face timed. He was asking how i was doing and complaining about Rafe's behavior. He said that if he hurt me again, he would fight him to the death if it would be necessary.  

Rafe was a mess. He only thought about Tanny and how he had hurt her. He was majorly angry at himself, so much that he took more drugs. Rafe had punched a wall in his room out of anger. He knew exactly what he did at that party, regretting every second of it. Because all of the emotions and feelings he had, he couldn't control himself. He was so high that he only laid in his bed, dreaming about a time when he and Tanny would be fine. He wanted to apologize to her but he didn't know how. The thing he needed to do first was getting sober. And so he did. With a massive headache he asked Topper for some help. They made a little plan to get Tanny somewhere Rafe could apologize without getting distracted. Sarah was also part of this plan. 

I hear knocking on my door. I sat up from my bed, wiping hair out of my face. The door opens, revealing Sarah. ''Hey Tanny'' she walked over to my bed, sitting on the side of it. I greet her, sitting more up straight. ''How are you?'' she asked me, looking with her most kind face. I narrowed my my eyes at her, something was up. I knew it straightaway. ''I guess i'm alright. Still sad'' in answered her. ''I get it, but i want you to get out'' she stands up from my bed, holding out her hand to me. ''Come on! We get you dressed properly'' she cheers. I sighed, not wanting to. 

''Sarah please, i'm not in the mood right now'' i whined at her. But she grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the bed. ''I don't care, you can't sit here your whole life'' she mutters under her breath while opening my closet to look for some clothes. In the past week i had all the time of the world to do chores around the house, so i had folded all my clothes and put them in my closet. Sorting everything, t-shirts, long sleeves, sweaters, trousers, skirts, dresses, bra's and underwear. 

''Jesus Tanny, this looks neat!'' Sarah almost yelled. Before i knew she had grabbed some set of clothes together for me to try on. ''Please put this on and tell in which one you feel  most comfortable'' she sat down on my desk chair. ''This...'' i see while pointing at the clothes i was wearing right now. She laughed before eyeing me. ''You know what i mean Tanny'' she said while stroking the clothes she had laid down. 

I tried on what she had prepared for me, choosing the outfit that i was the most comfortable in right now. And that was a long black flow dress with short sleeves and my black and white vans. Sarah brushed my hair and styled it nicely. ''Let's go'' she said before leaving my room, running down the stairs, leaving me in confusion. I didn't know we where leaving... Slowly i walked behind her to her car. 

''Where are we going?'' i asked her irritated, letting my shoulders hanging down. ''It's a surprise Tans, now come sit in the car'' 

We drove for a while, going a little higher up at the top of the island. I knew there was a place that looked over the whole island, it wasn't a mountain. More like a hill or something. On the way up i was a beautiful sunset peaking trough the trees. Sarah stopped the car around a corner at the side of the road. ''Why do we stop here?'' in the moment i asked her, she handed me a black blindfold. I shake my head. ''No way, i don't trust you'' Sarah side eyed me. ''Thanks..?'' she almost whispered. ''You're really cranky when your upset, stop that'' she said before stepping out of the car and walking over to my side. She opens the passenger door and shoves the blindfold over my head. ''Sorry Sarah'' i apologize to her. ''Is this blindfold really necessary?'' I asked when she helpen me out of the car. ''Yes'' nothing more to say, i guess. 

We walked for a little bit, our arms hooked in each other so i wouldn't trip or something. ''You can sit down here'' with my hand i felt behind me for something to sit on, letting myself drop down on it. It was some kind of stone or bench made out of rocks. ''Sarah, where are we? Can this thing get off please?'' i whined looking around me in the dark, sticking my hands out to feel where she had gone. 

Suddenly i felt someone sliding the blindfold off of my face. ''Let me help you'' When our eyes met, i was shocked. Not expected him here. I catch myself feeling desperate for his voice, touch and love. His hair was styles messy on his forehead, he wore a necklace and a basic grey shirt. It fitted him so perfectly. 

I looked around me to find Sarah, but she was long gone. So i turned back around to face him. 

''Hi'' i say soft to Rafe, he smiled back. His hand was stroking through my hair, i guess it was messy from the blindfold. 

''I will start straight away'' he clears his throat before grabbing my hand. He entwined our fingers, giving me little butterflies inside my belly. How could i fall so fast for him?

''Constance, i am really, deeply, madly sorry about what i have done. I regret it all'' he stayed silent for a few seconds, i couldn't say anything. 

''I was influenced by drugs and alcohol. And i know that is not an excuse to my actions. But i want you to know that i was not myself that night. I was majorly angry at myself for letting Barry hurt you and arguing with you after. Sometimes i just can't control myself and i do these stupid things i regret. I hate myself for letting you down this way'' there was a silence between us. He was looking in my eyes, trying to get a reaction out if me. ''I really think there is something wrong with me Tanny, I just can't controle myself and i don't know why or how to stop it. You are really my safe place and when i can't be with you or if i let you down, i feel so much i don't know how to deal with it. I think i have some kind of disorder or something...'' he admits to me. He was so open at this moment, saying anything that came up in his head. He was being himself right now, this was the vulnerable side of Rafe nobody sees.

''I swear to god to never do this or any kind of neglecting you again. I can't live with myself with the thought i hurt you all the time'' he grabbed both of my hands, being desperate. ''I hope you won't. Because you hurt me deeply with all your stupid actions from the last two times we saw each other'' - ''I won't, i would never ever do it again, i swear to god Tanny'' I looked him straight in his eyes. ''Promised?'' i held my pink in the air, waiting for him to hook his in mine. ''I promise'' he said almost immediately before hooking his pink in mine. 

Without a thought i kiss him straight on his mouth. Just a little kiss, nothing big. He kisses me back, putting his hands on both of my cheeks. ''Do you want to be officially my girlfriend from now on?'' he asked out of the blue. My cheeks turn red from his question. ''I promise, that one girl at the party ment nothing to me. I only thought about you the whole time. How i wanna be with you and thinking about how our lives would be like in the future living together'' - ''wow'' i said, while laughing a little. ''Not so fast Rafe'' i giggle at him. ''That's not what i meant, i just want to let you know that i love you and care about so much-'' i stop him, being startled from his confession. 

''Rafe, you don't have to explain yourself all the time with me. We are fine now. And yes i want to be with you, i want you to be officially my boyfriend'' We kissed again.

And so we sat there for a while, hugging and kissing. We enjoyed the sunset, taking some pictures together like the first ones we took. 

When i think about Rafe kissing that girl, it still hurts me. But it was fine this way, he explained and apologized about everything. He showed me his vulnerable side, something i appreciate from boys. Maybe people will say i forgave him to soon or something like that, but this is right for both of us. He needed me and i needed him.