Monster of the Night (Book 1 of Monster Series) (AU)

Chapter 21

A/N: I promise. I am working on this story. However, I have been working on others more. If you want me to update this before I actually do, feel free to tell me to update, but please give me about three days to do so.

Thanks

~Rissa

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Xavier pressed his lips into a thin line but didn't say a word. His blue eyes flashed with annoyance, and I had a feeling that he hated how I couldn't tell him something that had happened to me or about my past.

I cleared my throat and looked away from him, not wanting to see the secrets that he held in his mind, secrets that I was happy to see because he was still too closed off for me to get a good read on him.

I cleared my throat again and stuffed my hands into my pocket so that he couldn't see my shaking hands while I tried to keep my composure. "All I can say is that I am not allowed to be by myself without a group member near me," I said and shrugged, "whenever we had to do missions or something."

"Is it that dangerous?" Xavier asked, and I hesitated but nodded. He stayed silent for a minute and looked at me before he looked forward and cleared his throat when I didn't meet his gaze.

"Then why are you by yourself at your family's pack? Aren't they worried that you could do some damage to them?" He looked at me again from the corner of his eyes, and I quickly looked away and didn't meet his gaze.

I shrugged and grimaced, my cheeks turning a little red. "I don't know," I said honestly. "I think they are. However, I think that they are watching over me, but they're not from my group for some reason."

"Are there more than one group?" Xavier asked, and I nodded because there were more than one.

"There are," I confirmed and shrugged while I grimaced. "I think that some of the "trainers" are watching out for me, which isn't that surprising because the Alpha Betas are busy protecting everyone else."

Xavier frowned and slowly nodded. His brows were furrowed while he thought about what I had and didn't say while he tried to get his thoughts in order. "Is your uncle worried that you'll harm his pack?" he asked and glanced at me from the corner of his eye, but I didn't meet his gaze.

I sighed and shook my head while I folded my arms across my chest, wanting me to become smaller than I was. "I think a small part of him is worried, but he wants to make sure that he understands that I am still part of the family; a part of his pack." I shrugged again and grimaced. "As I said before, I don't think he wants my dad to hate him or to think of himself as a failure."

Xavier slowly nodded. "Do you think that he thinks of himself as a failure?" he asked, and I slowly nodded. "Why?"

"Because he wasn't able to help "control" me by himself," I said and smiled sadly while I looked at him. "He hates that I'm considered a monster to a lot of people when I had no choice. He wants to show that I'm still a female, and in some cases a child that has grown up quicker than a normal child should have."

I moved a hand through my hair and cleared my throat. "He wants to show everyone that I am not a monster and that he trusts me in his pack with little to no supervision from those that are sworn to protect the crown and the packs."

Xavier stayed silent and slowly nodded again. His whole body was tense, and I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, silently wondering what he was thinking. His face was carved from stone while he thought about what I said before he looked at me with ice cold eyes. "Are you?" he asked, and I raised an eyebrow while I cocked my head.

"Am I what?" I asked.

"A monster?"

I ducked my head and smiled grimly while I held myself.

Did I consider myself a monster, someone that needed to be stopped or locked up? Did I consider myself someone that shouldn't have the privileges that I had while growing here, learning how to be someone that would fight for others?

Yes...

No matter how many times I had been given my freedom and the chance to serve others, I had always thought I was playing a game, a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I knew that I was dangerous, especially when my meds wore off and I had no control over myself. I knew that my group was worried that there would be a chance in the future that they had to kill me to protect everyone from myself, even though we didn't want to think about it. I knew that there was a possibility that the precautions we had in place would fail, leaving me alone and by myself in a state of crazed madness and destruction.

So, did I consider myself a monster?

Yes. I was a monster and someone that shouldn't be given those freedoms that I had received. I shouldn't be alive and with them in fear of doing something that I swore that I wouldn't do.

"Don't tell him," Commander said, his voice grave, and I internally cringed because I didn't want them to hear what I had been thinking, something that I kept in the back of my mind and away from their prying ears.

But now, they knew, and I had no idea what they were thinking about, or if they felt guilty for not quenching those thoughts at a younger age or when they saw me at my worst.

So, instead, I looked at him and smiled sadly, responding with, "I don't know."

After that, I picked up my pace, indicating that I was done with the conversation and folded my arms across my chest, praying that Xavier didn't think of me any differently than the spunky girl that he saw at first.

But I didn't know what he was thinking, and that scared me. It scared me more than it should.

I didn't want him to think of me as a monster, either...