Architect and Mrs Dantata

27: ZAYD

Whatever she's going to say now, I'm ready to listen and work around it. She's not breaking up with me. That's the most important thing right now. We can work around anything else, I'm sure of it.

"What options were you considering before I came today?" She asks. I'm tempted to say she looks so beautiful today but I keep my mouth shut. I can say that when this conversation is over. She continues. "I already know adoption is one of them but was there anything else?"

"Polygamy." I tell her. I watch her look down at her hands, nodding slowly. "I brushed it off though. I'm not going to make a good polygamist, Amal. I already told you that I don't want anyone that's not you. That doesn't change now."

She raises her head and there's that small smile of hers. She says nothing and I continue. "Surrogacy was a no-go area and polygamy was the second no-go area. Adoption was the last option." The next words leave a bitter taste on my tongue. "And then there was breaking up with you. It was the last option, one I didn't like thinking about. I hated it with all my heart."

Her smile widens a little. "In Shaa Allah that's out of the way now."

"And I can't be any happier."

It takes a few seconds for that blush I've missed for what feels like all my life to stain her cheeks, knocking the air out of my lungs. She looks away. "Oh God..."

I can't stop myself from smiling. I cock my head, not looking away from her. I'm tempted to take a picture. "Why are you blushing, Amal?"

"Wallahi I don't know." She turns back to me and her smile dims. "I didn't think about any options until we had that phone call that morning. I knew I had to find a way to save us or we'll go different ways but I couldn't bring myself to think about anything." She sighs and I watch her cross one leg over the other. "I've thought a lot now and...I don't want to go through with adoption. There's nothing bad about it but I don't think I can see myself adopting a kid."

That fear that left when she said we're not breaking up? Yeah, it's back. It's even worse. She doesn't want us to adopt a kid? Isn't that meant to be our middle ground?

"I spoke with Sadiyah the same day you and I spoke." She says quietly. Once again, she's not looking at me. She's toying with her hands instead and I so badly want to reach out and take those hands in mine. I can't do that and I'm this close to hitting my head on a wall. "That conversation changed a lot. It's the main reason I decided to go into therapy. I didn't go into therapy because I wanted to consider adopting, Sa'ed, if that's what you're thinking."

My heart feels as though it wants to burst out of my chest. There's no way...

"Sadiyah's haemorrhage could have been avoided." She raises her head and I stare back at her with wide eyes. "She was advised by the doctors to deliver via CS but well, she wanted to be stubborn." She swallows. "I don't want to go into details because it's still a lot for me but if she had listened to what her medical team suggested, she would have had a somewhat easier delivery. Maybe she would have still haemorrhaged but it would have been easier to manage. That's what I think."

I have no words. I can't even try to think about anything to say.

Amal blows out a breath. "That changed everything, especially when she said that she stopped the doctors from coming to give me the consent form to sign so they could go ahead with the CS."

I find my voice. "I'm sorry, Amal."

She smiles sadly. "It's not your fault, Sa'ed." She sighs. "Well, we had that discussion and she apologised a number of times for not telling me this sooner. She told me that we're a perfect couple and like everyone else, she doesn't want us to go separate ways. She also said she didn't mean to take my childhood dream of being a mother someday away from me." She sighs again. "She said having kids was the best thing and she said you're to me what Kawu Imran is to her." She rolls her eyes. "Now that I'm not crying, she actually said some sappy shit."