❝ I knew, from that moment on,
that nobody could ever confess,
they love me, without the splintered thought of you
running through my mind.
Consciously or not, my soul will always be tangled
with you. ❝
Aurora Matthews, the daughter of Jeanine Matt...
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Four and I branched off to our own groups as we walked into the dining hall.
"Where did you go?" asks Sarai. "Everyone else went back to the dormitory."
"I just wandered around," I say. "I was too nervous to talk to everyone else about it."
"You have no reason to be nervous," Sarai says, shaking her head. "I turned around to talk to Will for one second, and you were already done."
I detect a note of jealousy in her voice, and again, I wish I could explain that I was well prepared for the simulation, because of what I am. Instead I just shrug.
"What job are you going to pick?" I ask her.
"I'm thinking I might want a job like Four's. Training initiates," she says. "Scaring the living daylights out of them. You know, fun stuff. What about you?"
I was so focused on getting through initiation that I barely thought about it. I could work for the Dauntless leaders—but they would kill me if they discover what I am. What else is there?
"I guess...I could be an ambassador to the other factions," I say. "I think being a transfer would help me."
"I was so hoping you would say Dauntless-leader-in-training," sighs Sarai. "Because that's what Peter wants. He couldn't shut up about it in the dorm earlier."
"And it's what I want," adds Will. "Hopefully I ranked higher than him...oh, and all the Dauntless- born initiates. Forgot about them." He groans. "Oh God. This is going to be impossible."
"No, it isn't," she says. Sarai reaches for his hand and laces her fingers with his, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Will squeezes her hand.
"Question," says Sarai, leaning forward. "The leaders who were watching your fear landscape... they were laughing about something."
"Oh?" I bite my lip hard. "I'm glad my terror amuses them."
"Any idea which obstacle it was?" she asks.
"No."
"You're lying," she says. "You always bite the inside of your cheek when you lie. It's your tell."
I stop biting the inside of my cheek.
"Will is pinching his lips together, if it makes you feel better," she adds.
Will covers his mouth immediately.
"Okay, fine. I was afraid of...intimacy," I say.
"Intimacy," repeats Sarai. "Like...sex?"
I tense up. And force myself to nod. Even if it was just Sarai, and no one else was around, I would still want to strangle her right now. I go over a few ways to inflict maximum injury with minimum force in my head. I try to throw flames from my eyes.
