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9

Yury

I keep her hand against my cheek. After years of ignoring how much I missed Inessa it all hit me at once now. I am close to crying I can't do it in front of Nora.

What if she thinks I'm less of a man? What if she stops talking to me? What if she looses all interest in me?

I can't loose Nora too. She's worth too much now. I can't. I need her. Without her I can't breath. I'd rather die the most painful way a human can than to imagine what Mikhail would do to Nora after what he did to Inessa and my mother.

I arrive at the gate of my property and wait for it to open. When a tear drops from my eyes. "Yury please talk to me.", I hear Nora say. Her voice is so warm. So comfortable.

I start driving again and soon reach the house. I cling to her hand as I try to get more time rounding the huge fountain in our driveway.

I turn off the car and wait a second longer before letting go of her hand. I get out the car quietly. I can't say anything. I'll break down if I do. I speed walk to the door quickly unlocking it and walking in. I hear Nora call out for me again. And I stop turning to her and waiting.

"Please Yury. Tell me what's wrong.", she sighs and I hear the concern and guilt in her voice. "Please", she pleads.

You will never be seen as a man if you keep crying to your mother like this.You pathetic child of a whore. How are you ever going to be able to keep a woman by your side crying that much. 

The words of my grandfather repeat in my head.

You will never be seen as a man if you keep crying to your mother like this.You pathetic child of a whore. How are you ever going to be able to keep a woman by your side crying that much. 

I hear them again. And my knees buckle. I collapse but I don't hit the ground. "Yury.", I hear Nora gasp. I feel her slowly sit down on the ground and lean me against a wall. "Yury!", she screams. "Please talk to me.", she says panicking.

I can't breath. I feel like the room is getting smaller every second. "Yury please.", I hear her call out again. I feel like I am being suffocated in the ocean of words my grandfather used to describe me in.

"Yury please breath.", I hear her whisper.

You pathetic child.

I hear him speak.

"I'm sorry Nora.", I whisper. "I didn't want you to see me like this", I whisper as I see her right in front of me. "Stop thinking Yury.", she sighs. "Just breath okay. Please do it for me.", I hear her say in the warmest tone I've ever heard anyone speak to me. "Please just breath.", she whispers.

"Here.", she says placing my hand over her heart. "Breath with me okay?", she says as she puts both her hands on my face.

We breath together and I start to relax a little. The walls stop moving towards me and my grandfathers words stop repeating in my head.

I feel her pull my head forward and then lean her forehead against mine. "I'm sorry Nora.", I whisper my voice breaking towards the end. "No Yury. This is what we are supposed to do. If you cry I hold you if I cry you hold me. We vowed to protect each other from everything and everyone when we put these rings on.", she whispered. "I'm here for you. In good times and in the ones where you need me the most.", she whispered.

I pull back looking into her eyes. And I break. I start crying and sobbing. "Please don't leave me.", I whisper between sobs. "Why would I leave you Yury?", she asked me. "Do you think that just because you cry once I'll think of you as less than a man or something? I don't care wether you cry or not. You are my husband through and through. I'm not going to leave you for showing other emotions than happiness and anger.", she explains as she tries to comfort me.